AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Threats, guards. I guess it makes sense, even if Scotty is only running for mayor. The Murphy’s net worth is more than Ian’s family ever was. Maybe if I’d had guards following me around, he’d still be here. My breathing picks up, the way it has been whenever I think about that night. Declan coming over triggered my anxiety. I’d been working through it but having him there unwelcomed stirred those awful memories around.
I still need to decompress from it.
My heart rate picks up. “So, girls’ night. How often do you get together?” Vee asks.
“We try to once a week,” Saoirse says. “Sometimes twice if we get a good buddy read going and need to talk about it more.”
“Oh. What books are we reading?” I ask.
“Monster dick,” Haley cuts in. “Alien porn, the paranormal, werewolf knotting, nasty as fuck, dirty sex.”
Saoirse shoots her sister-in-law a wide eyed look. “Haley. Christ. Ease them into it.”
Vee snorts. “I don’t read much monster stuff. But I have an octopus dildo.”
“Oh my God.” I let out a gasp, the wine spurting out of my nose. “Vee.”
She shrugs. “They started it.”
“What do you read?” Saoirse asks, glancing at me.
I shrug. “Lately I’ve been reading a lot of. . .darkstuff.”
Haley raises an inquisitive brow. “Try us.”
I swallow hard, not wanting to discuss the history behind my choice of stories.
“Tell them,” Vee whispers. “It’s good to talk about it with people.”
Saoirse nods. “We’re good to keep your secrets, Sammy. We all have things building up inside of us that need to be let out before they destroy us.”
My heart pounds so hard I can barely focus. “I never really told anyone how Ian died.” I turn to Haley. Saoirse knows his name. “My husband.”
Haley offers a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thanks.” My voice cracks. “Anyway. It was a home invasion. He wasn’t supposed to be there. He—The men. . .I think they were there just to rape me? I don’t know. But the things they said. The things they did.”
My blood turns to ice at the memory.Cold hands pinning me down. Hot breath in my ear telling me how they were going to fuck me, kill me, then fuck me more.
“Ian stopped them. He came home for lunch, and he walked in on it before they could hurt me. They killed him.” My entire body goes numb. “Sometimes I fantasize about how that night could have been different. And. . . I don’t know.” I shrug. “I pretend like both the men died, and Ian is still alive. That I’m the one who is dead. So, I’ve been reading a lot of books that have suicide in them.”
Slowly, I glance around the room, everyone staring at me in shock. “I’d never do it,” I rush out, shaking my head. “I wouldn’teverleave my kids behind. But the way those characters feel makes me feel like my situation isn’t so fucking bad.”
“It’s an escape,” Haley says. “Do you talk about it with a therapist?”
No.I’m too scared too. What if I admit the ideations and they take me away from my kids? They can’t afford to lose two parents. “I go to one for the anxiety,” I say. “But I don’t take medication for it. I’m doing some self-defense classes and that seems to help.”Until Declan fucked it all up.
“I’ve been into the sweet rom-com lately,” Vee says, switching the topic with ease, giving me an out without drawing any attention to it. “Some of the backstories can get really dark, and I like how the main characters use humor to get through their shit.”
That is so totally, Vee. She hides behind her smile and crude jokes like a shield of armor. I’ve never learned the reason behind it. I always thought she’d tell me whenever she was ready.
“That’s true,” Haley says. “I use dark humor to deal with my trauma.”
“The monster shit gets me hot because I feel like Scotty has this darkness in him he’s scared to let out,” Saoirse says. “Like I totally picture him as the horned devil that haunts the love interest. Plus, it’s this gruff asshole that kills humans, but is sweet on his girl.” Her cheeks turn a bright rosy shade. “Scotty’s my grump.”
“Anyway,” Vee says. “See. We’re all into whatever because of shit in our life. So, you’re not alone there.” She gives me one of her bright smiles.
The doorbell rings and Saoirse stands. “Dinner is here.”
