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I sigh, scraping the dough into the trashcan on the other side of the island. Tears burn in my eyes, and I try my hardest not to cry. Ani is just in the other room, and I never cry in front of her. No matter how hard times have been, or how overwhelmed I feel, I hold it in and wait until she’s asleep or I’m alone.
“Ani, why don’t you go with Olga, and she can show you the nutcrackers in the front room, yeah?” I hear Tomas say with a very convincing level of excitement. He walks over to me, coming up behind me and resting his hands on my hips.
“What’s wrong, my little baker?” he asks as he rubs my sides, the purr of his accent thick. The concern in his voice hits me in the heart, and I start crying on the spot. “Oh,malysh.”
He turns me around, crushing me against him while I soak his nice dress shirt with tears. His large, calloused hand rubs my back in long strokes until I stop crying like a baby.
“I’m an awful father. I can’t bake for shit, so even if I’m able to go to the competition, I’ll probably lose. I lied to my family. I’m fucking around with a guy I just met, living in his house because dangerous mafia people are after me and my baby girl,” I ramble on, unable to stop myself.
He puts a hand over my mouth, stopping me. I breathe in through my nose, and his dark, cold eyes warm slightly as we lock gazes.
“You’re making the best decisions you can to ensure the safety of your child and yourself. That’s being a good dad and much more than my own father ever did for me. As for fucking around with a guy you don’t know…”
He backs me up against the countertop, digging his hard length into me as he holds my throat. “Last night I made you mine. I don’t care that we haven’t known each other for a while, we’re right for each other. I’ll be the best man I can be for you and a good father tozayka. The quicker you accept it, the better.
He kisses my neck, then my cheek then presses a light kiss to my lips. I swallow hard, following his lips and kissing him again when he pulls away. We stand there for minutes, hours, maybe even days, kissing each other. So many things are said between us with every clash of our lips, and I realize that there’s no use in castigating myself for falling for Tomas, because I already fell.Hard.
For better or worse, I’m in love with a Russian mafia assassin.
Ten
Tomas
Noel presses a kiss to Ani’s temple as I lean against the frame of her bedroom. It used to be a guest room, but she and I are talking about how she wants to redesign it. She wants a lot of glitter, maybe a canopy over the bed. I told her whatever she wants, we can make it happen as long as it’s okay with her dad.
She’s nestled into the twin bed beneath red and black checkered flannel sheets and a gray and green chevron comforter, peacefully asleep. She was knocked out after the third story, and I’ve been watching from a distance as a new layer of Noel peels itself away.
He’s a good father. And I’m a piece of shit for taking away their safe, predictable lives. This lifestyle isn’t feasible for raising a child. For a moment I debate letting him go when this is all over, but that thought is quickly shoved away when a sinking feeling in my gut returns. I made him mine, and I can’t live without him.
I don’t care if it makes me selfish.
My phone vibrates in the pocket of my trousers, and I pull it out as Noel stealthily frees himself from Ani’s grip.
Alexander: In the clear. He wants a marker for later.
Tomas: Fine. He’ll have to pull me from retirement. I’m dissolving.
Alexander: For the baker?
Noel comes by my side, his hand resting on my cheek. I don’t bother responding to the text. I slip my phone into my back pocket and turn my attention to him. I offer a forced smile. I should tell him, but I don’t want to. Telling him means freeing him.
“Have you heard anything yet?” he asks.
Instead of lying, I grab his wrist and lead him to the oversized chair by the fire. A subject change will be better. My silence may be a lie of omission, but it’s better than the alternative. I sit in the chair and pull him into my lap. He feels good there, like he’s always belonged here, in my cabin with me.
“I don’t understand what the issue is,” he says, getting comfortable. He lays his head on my chest. “Why are they taking so long? You apologized, right? Maybe I should go. I can prove to them I’m trustworthy.”
“No, I won’t put you anywhere near them. It’s not safe.”
“I just want to gohome, Tomas.”
My hand grips Noel’s blond locks of his hair. I cup his cheek with my other hand, rubbing my thumb over his soft lips. He licks them, almost reflexively, and I realize how awful I am. He’s so beautiful, so innocent. And he’s also a good man, to his daughter and to me. All I’ve done is bring trouble to his doorstep and take him away from what he cares about.
“I’m supposed to be in the Christmas Cookie Competition,” Noel mutters. “I need that money. I have to win. For my girl.”
I need to be a man. Tell him the truth, even if that means I’ll lose him.
“It’s safe for you to go… If you want something,malysh, all you have to do is ask.”
