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“You can’t say that. You know how much I enjoyed watching Gus beat my father up?”
“That was different. It was revenge. For what he did to you. And the fact that he is still in your head, that’s not fair. He doesn’t deserve to be there. You’re a good guy, Lachlan. You are not your father. And you won’t magically turn into him just because you have a wife and a child. How can you believe that it would magically fix you, and now not, but still believe it might magically ruin you?”
“Notit,” he said. “You. You’re going to ruin me. You’re going to ruin me... Hell, Charity, I can’t handle this. I was supposed to marry somebody, and it was supposed to be easy. I was supposed to choose, and it was going to be companionable. And that was how it was supposed to be with you. Because you’re my best friend. And it’s always been easy with us. But it’s changing. It’s changing, and now it’s changing again, and I don’t trust myself. I cannot trust myself with a kid.”
“But you did.”
“I know that I did. But I can’t. Not now.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know you don’t. I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could say to make you. I wish there was something that I could do. I can’t. I can’t... You can stay here. I’ll make sure that you’re looked after. Taken care of.”
“Lachlan,” she said, panic edging into her tone. And he felt it. He felt an answering panic rising up inside him, but there was no other choice. This was what had to happen. He had to do this. It was for her. It was for their baby.
Because he was just like his father. Obsessed with her. That was what his brothers didn’t understand. Their father hadn’t hated their mother. He hadlovedher. Obsessively. He had used Lachlan as bait to get to her, because he had known... He had known it would work. And that terrified him. The idea that a man would use his own child, hurt his own child, to try to get back at his wife. To try to get her to come.
He had gone after her relentlessly. And the one thing his brothers didn’t know about... When his father had used Lachlan to draw their mother out. After stalking her relentlessly. It was the only reason he knew about it. Because his father had used him. As a bargaining chip to try and draw his mother out, and then when he’d finally been with her he... He kissed her. And then he hit her. Over and over again, and she’d run. Hadn’t even looked back.
And he couldn’t blame her.
She should’ve run.
But that... That lived with him. The fire in his father’s eyes then.
It was the same kind of fire he felt inside him when he looked at Charity.
He couldn’t ignore the fact that the capacity for violence seemed to be in his soul. That he could feel his control slipping more and more as his obsession with her grew. Because it wasn’t just that she was his friend and he’d married her. No. It was more than that. So much more intense than that. She was his friend, and he’d married her.
She had become everything to him. Maybe on some level that was what he had always known would happen, and that was why he had kept her as his friend. Only his friend. Because anything more than that was dangerous. This was a dangerous game.
What had happened tonight was evidence of that.
He needed to get her away from him. That was the bottom line.
“I will make sure that you’re taken care of,” he said. “My brothers will help take care of you. And the baby.”
“Don’t,” she said.
“I have to. I didn’t know. I am so, so sorry.”
“Lachlan, you said that you loved me.”
“I thought I could make a different love. A better love. I thought I could save us, save me. But I don’t know what anything healthy feels like. I wanted to. I wanted to. You have any idea how much I loved our wedding? Because it looked like something that a normal person could have. But that isn’t me. I’m not normal. I’m... I’m toxic, and I’m obsessive and I can’t deal with all of this. All of these feelings.”
“I would rather go through this with you than try to...” He felt like she was coming undone, listening to her sound like this. So filled with sorrow he’d caused. “Lachlan, I don’t want to be without you. Doesn’t that matter for anything? Doesn’t what I want matter for anything?”
“My mom wanted my dad at one point, too.” He laughed, bitter and hard. “They had five kids. They wanted each other. But the cost... I’ve already changed. What happened tonight... This is poison. For me, what we have is poison.”
“So you’re going to give our kid what we had? A parent who didn’t care enough to stick around even when it was hard?” she asked, all that sorrow fury now.
“My mom was running for her life. That was different. It was a damn sight different. And I’m having the decency to do what my dad didn’t. I’m choosing this. I’m choosing it because anything else isn’t fair. I’m not my mother.”
“Thebaby, Lachlan.”
Her eyes shone with so much hurt, so much betrayal, and it killed him. But he knew. He knew what it was like to have this in a father. “Charity, he hurt us. His kids. I don’t trust myself.”
“Is this about what happened at the bar?”
