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“It’s inspiring, how humble you are.”
“Jesus has nothing on me,” Zee said, mouth full of chewed-up food.
“That is so gross. Swallow before you talk!”
“Yeah, you love it when I—” Zee choked on the rest of the sentence, egg splattering everywhere as he coughed.
“So fucking gross,” Ishir complained, ignoring the pang in his chest that almost-finished sentence had caused.
Life went on. Their attempts at normalcy made Ishir realise how much the sex had muddled their friendship.
Of course, things weren’t always easy. Ishir scored two goals in one game a few days later in Denver. One was a re-direction with the tip of his stick from Zee’s slapper, and the other off the sweetest pass of the season, between a defender’s legs and through the goalie’s blue paint, right to Ishir’s stick.
That, too, was from Zee, because the universe was a fucking comedian.
Now that most of the team knew he was gay, they were all trying to get him laid after the game. Joking about all the hot Alphas at the bar, elbowing him in the ribs every time one of them glanced over at Ishir.
“Come on,” Corona encouraged. “We’re in fucking Colorado. Nobody knows who you are here.”
Ishir ended up talking to a tall, wiry Alpha, both of them sitting close together by the bar. The guy was fine—gorgeous eyes and a neat, soft-looking beard. He smelt good, too, salty but not overpowering.
Ishir ignored the way his gut twisted as the Alpha flirted with him, forcing himself to reciprocate. He didn’t acknowledge the booth where Zee was sitting, scared to see the disinterest on his face. Didn’t think about how much better this would be if it were his best friend in front of him instead of a stranger.
It was late by the time the guy asked, “You wanna get out of here?”
“Sure,” Ishir replied, trying to control how his scent was screaming,No.
In the end, he made it as far as the guy’s apartment, bailing right outside the door. “Sorry. I…I just got out of a relationship. Kind of. I just really can’t.”
“Oh. Shit, okay. Sorry to hear that, honestly.”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
He practically ran out of the building, sitting outside on the curb for a while, freezing his ass off, waiting for the racing of his heart to calm.
He was such a fucking idiot. Zee didn’twant him. Not like this. And yet there Ishir was, turning down hot guys because his stupid heart couldn’t get the message.
He took his phone out, fiddling with it for a while before texting Olive.
Just bailed on a hot guy because I can’t stop thinking of Z. Am I a loser?
The response was almost immediate, a series of texts one after the other.
Loving someone isn’t being a loser!!!
Stop being mean to yourself that’s not cool
U won’t be in this place forever but stop being shitty to yourself for being where u r now.
And don’t have sex with people you don’t wanna have sex with!
Ishir snorted.
Thanks bud
He heaved himself up, pacing to get some feeling back in his limbs while he called a car.
He crept into the hotel room he shared with Zee on his return, going straight to the bathroom and getting into the hot shower, trying to wash away the series of stupid decisions that had led him to that instant. He couldn’t even jerk off, too despondent to get it up.
