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Leo took a bracing breath and walked over to them, putting one foot in front of the other steadily as they stared at him as though they were watching a ghost approach.
“Um, hey,” Leo greeted. “Fancy seeing you guys here.” The joke landed flat on its face, the crowd-filled silence stretching unbearably until Josh seemed to snap out of it.
“Hey! Leo, wow. Uhm. It’s, wow, it’s really nice to see you. How are you?”
“I’m good.” Someone jostled Leo from behind, and Damon twitched forwards before stilling, jaw tight. “Sorry.” Leo lowered his gaze, gathering every shred of bravery he’d managed to conjure to get him there. “Do you guys wanna step out of the crowd for a sec? I know I’ve kinda ambushed you, I just—”
“Sure,” Josh said quickly. “Yeah, absolutely.”
Leo followed them awkwardly, getting lost between two groups of people for a moment before stepping out of the stream of bodies. Josh and Damon were waiting for him on the sidewalk, looking anxious until they saw him, faces clearing a little.
“Thought you’d escaped,” Josh tried to joke, but Leo felt the truth behind those words poke a hole in him.
“No, I’m here. Sorry.”
“It’s fine. Uh. Let’s move over there—there’s a little alcove that tends to be pretty quiet.”
Leo trailed beside them, quiet and awkward, but there was no way out but through now.
Josh and Damon stole glances at Leo as they walked, Leo spotting them from the corner of his eye but not brave enough to look back until they’d made it to their quiet place. They stood there for a moment, Leo sinking into the reality of being there, within touching distance of Josh and Damon, the people who had been drifting through his thoughts for so long now.
It was surreal to have them solid and in front of him after building this moment up in his head.
When the silence between them was broken, it was by Damon’s quiet voice. “It’s good to see you.”
Leo blinked up at him, chest tight. “You guys too. I uh…I know it’s super weird that I just showed up here, but I guess I just wanted to say sorry? For how I handled things in the end there,” Leo said, ripping the Band-Aid off.
Damon and Josh shook their heads, Damon saying, “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“No, I do,” Leo replied with a small laugh. “I, uh. I wasn’t in a good place and the, uh, the sex work, I guess it’d started getting to me, you know? Not with you guys, but with all the rest.”
Josh swallowed audibly. “If we ever—”
“No. Look. I know I just disappeared abruptly and left you guys with the wrong impression for a long time, but I want you to actually…listen to me, you know? To what I’m saying now. I think—I mean, correct me if I’m wrong—but I think you guys were offering me something more than what we had, and I just…I wasn’t ready to accept that I was worth that much.”
Josh opened his mouth as Damon frowned, reaching out slightly before dropping his hand. “Worth that much?” Damon repeated incredulously. “Of course you were worth it. You’re…” he trailed off, his cheeks turning redder than they already were.
Leo smiled a little. “I appreciate you guys thinking that, honestly. But at the time, I couldn’t accept that it was real. As much as I wanted it, it was all fucked up—I was all fucked up. That day during your rut, Damon, when I freaked out, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to be your…yours. It was because I wanted it too much when I thought I didn’t deserve it.”
Leo shrugged, watching the complicated expressions that passed through both of their faces. When he put his own insecurities aside, he had to acknowledge how Josh and Damon might have felt if they really had liked him that much. How it must have been to watch Leo pull away, to share all those moments with them and not care in return.
And it may have been what Leo had done to other clients, but that was the thing about love—there was no choosing who Leo fell for in the end.
Leo let out a slow breath. “So, yeah. I just wanted to say that, really. That you guys were amazing, and that I’m sorry for how I handled things. That you have nothing to feel bad about. You didn’t pressure me into anything, but I wasn’t in a place where I could accept what you guys were offering. Assuming I’m not totally wrong about what you guys felt.” He forced out a laugh.
“You weren’t,” Josh said. “And I’m so glad that we didn’t make you feel…that we didn’t hurt you that way.”
“You didn’t,” Leo assured.
Josh stared at him for a moment. “You look a lot better. I mean, you always looked good, but there’s something…I don’t know.”
“Thanks. Yeah, I feel better. You look great. The treatment worked, then?”
“Yeah, perfectly. It’s been amazing.”
“I’m glad.”
They smiled at each other, Leo gazing up at Damon and feeling a sad sense of peace wash over him.
