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A hugefuck noto that.
“If we were married, we could have had conjugal visits,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.
Maddox didn’t even grin. “Don’t do this, Devon. Don’t tie yourself to someone who’s going to be locked up for most of their life. Not worth it.”
“Would you shut the fuck up about that?” I snapped at him, sick of hearing it. “Stop losing hope, you dumb fuck. Trust me, okay? Put your damn trust in me to get you out of this.”
What I didn’t say was that we had a few leads to work with, but nothing concrete enough to help him.Yet. I wouldn’t stop trying until Maddox was home with me—wherever the fuck home ended up being once this nightmare ended.
“I trust you,” he said softly. “But you can’t keep living for me. You have no life now.”
So fucking what? He was my life, so fuck him for thinking this wasn’t what I wanted to be doing. I didn’t care if it took me another month, a year, or ten years, I wouldn’t give up. He would, though, and that scared me the most. Guilt was weird that way. We both felt it from different vantage points; I felt responsible for him being in here, and he felt like he was holding me back in lifebecausehe was in here. All around, it fucking sucked.
“I am living my own life, and you’re going to be in it. So shut the hell up about it and tell me what’s new.” I put my hands on the table, desperate to touch him.
“What’s new?” he scoffed, leaning back in disgust. “Oh, okay, let’s see. Some guy got beat half to death yesterday right in front of me. I haven’t had a shower in over a week because of some sewer problem they aren’t fixing. My cellmate jerks off to kill time, so that’s fun. And I’m pretty sure it’s been three months since I took a solid shit. So, there ya go. That’s what’s new with me.”
He did look thinner. The food here wasn’t nutritious, but more importantly, it was hard to stomach, and that was coming from someone who lived off his mom’s shitty casseroles. I’d been trying to fill his commissary with money and snacks, but every penny I had went to lawyers and the case. A few people from the park had been chipping in to a Maddox fund, so that was nice.
“I love you, Maddox. But you have to keep your shit together, okay? I’m working on it. We’re all working on it.” My fingers inched towards his, but I didn’t touch him. The last time I did, I had to watch a guard smack him with a baton. “I’m not giving up, so you can’t either. Got it?”
Maddox sighed. His joined hands came up to slide through his hair. “I’m just tired, Devon. So tired.”
My heart kept on breaking. Seeing him like this was a nightmare. Maddox didn’t belong behind bars. He belonged out in the world, ripping up a motocross track, causing all sorts of shit, and swimming in the ocean with me. He belonged with me, showing me his soft side while being a hardass about it, and there wasn’t a reality in my mind where that didn’t exist. Hewouldget out.
“I know.” I smiled at him. “I know, babe.”
He grinned a little at that. “I’m not even drugged.”
“I said it, not you.” I smiled. “We love you, and we won’t ever stop.” I had more news, but sharing it with him would have to wait. I learned the hard way that giving him hope and then having to shut it down was worse than giving him nothing at all. If everything went to plan today, we’d be exposing Davis. “I’m getting you out of here, Madd.”
“Yeah?”
“Fuck yeah. And when I do, we can go anywhere, do anything, and be whoever the fuck we wanna be. Me and you, Madd. That’s our future.”
I saw a tiny-ass spark of hope flicker in the green of his eyes. Barely there, but there. “Alright.”
Alright. I needed a win. I needed to come back here with Maddox’s lawyer and good news. So that’s exactly what I was going to do.
Theofficerwhohadspoken to me sort of respectfully that day, the very same one who put Maddox in the back of the cruiser and told us not to do anything stupid, crossed his arms and shook his head at me.
“He’s still claiming it was self-defence. Why should I believe otherwise?” Officer Hanes asked.
I wanted to kill him… just a little. “Because! For the hundredth time, why the fuck would Maddox try to kill someone, let alone a cop, for my dad? He hates my dad and always has. You have a handful of witnesses to confirm that.”
“Did that cause relationship issues between the two of you?” Hanes asked. “Were you trying to help your dad get away to protect him, and Maddox tried to stop you?”
If I had a gun right now, I would probably kill him. “Iwastrying to help my dad get away,” I admitted, calming myself with long breaths. All those times I told Maddox to learn meditation and he hadn’t, but I’d been surviving off that shit for three months now. Being angry didn’t help him, so look at me being a calm bitch with this dick of a cop. “Because he threatened Maddox. I wasn’t protecting my dad, I was protecting my boyfriend.”
“Don’t incriminate yourself, Sawyer. Be careful what you say,” Hanes warned from across his desk.
I’d already mentioned that I’d been the one to steal the shipping slips, and Hanes also pretended not to hear it. “I was just there to make sure he left. To see it with my own eyes, to know we were safe.”
“Then how did Maddox end up there?”
“Because he knew I’d do something stupid and showed up to watch my back.” He always did that, and I’d be dead if he hadn’t. “When my dad left and Davis pulled that gun on me, he told me it was his job to finish me off. That’s when Maddox stepped in front of the bullet. Why do you trust that cop more than me? Why would I make this up?” I pleaded with him, trying not to sound defeated.
“To get your boyfriend out of prison,” he deadpanned.
