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“Something else you want to hear?” he asked. Chest to chest. Hip to hip. Almost dick to dick. Our hearts that usually beat to the same drum echoed on off-beats that made angry music. No melody. No flow. Just guttural, unclear lyrics that overpowered one another.
There were a million things I wanted to hear. His laugh was at the top of the list. I just wanted to go back to a place where Nate was mine, and I wasn’t afraid of losing him. Best friends, more than best friends, I didn’t care. I wanted our stasis back. The one where we could talk about anything and everything, no matter how hard it was.
But this version of Nate wasn’t my ride or die. He was a cold, secretive bastard who wanted to warm up and vent but didn’t know how to find his way to the heat. He needed to thaw, and maybe, for once, I wasn’t the man for the job. Something inside me broke to know that I’d turned him into this with my admission.
“No.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
Not good.
* * *
For four days,we lived in a state of awareness without comment. The only places we got caught up were at the reception desk of the shop and the small hallway in the apartment whenever we accidentally walked down it at the same time.
Life. Fucking. Sucked.And my mom was drinking more again, so it double sucked.
Nate had a few people over on the back deck. Most of them were drunk and hanging out on the dock or in the water, but I sat my moody ass right on the deck and got drunker than was probably smart. These were my friends too, and none of them knew what the hell was going on between us. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure anymore.
He’d been avoiding any talking, but he’d been suggestively trying to get my attention. Whenever he got it, usually by wearing nothing but his purple underwear, black boxers, or a towel, he didn’t know what to do with it. So, by this point, I had no clue if we were fighting over my confession or something else. It couldn’t even be classified as fighting because we weren’t verbal or physical. It was all avoidance and weird eye contact.
“We’re heading home,” Devon said, sober as a goat while Maddox swayed beside him, his hands all over Devon’s ass. “You two sure you can co-exist together? This whole thing is really throwing me off.”
I waved it off like it was no big deal, even though it was the biggest deal ever, apart from Maddox going to jail. “We’re fine.” I fiddled with my necklace.
Maddox drunkenly scoffed. “Gnat’s bed is up for grabs if you need it again.”
My turn to drunkenly scoff. “You already kicked me out once, and now I’m standing my ground.” I tried not to be jealous of the way Maddox touched Devon so freely. “Better go before he starts demanding flip fucks,” I said to Devon.
Maddox laughed, but Devon groaned. “Call if you need anything, okay?”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“I gave Nate the same speech.”
Nate looked just fucking peachy down on the dock with a swarm of people all around him and that laugh I’d wished to hear coming from his lips. Hated that laugh now that he wasn’t giving it to me. Everyone else got the fun parts of him, and I got… silence and sketchy glares. All because I admitted to having a thing for him.
When Devon and Maddox left, I drank the rest of my beer and then grabbed another one from a cooler someone was stupid enough to leave near me. Me and free shit were peas in a pod. It wasn’t a beer, though. It was a fruity cooler, and fuck it, I drank it. Then another one after that.
All the while, my eyes watched Nate. His body. His body language. His eye contact. His everything. Blue swim shorts that matched his eyes and nothing else to hide behind but deception and lies. He said he wanted to end our hookup arrangement, and he was proving that point right in front of me. Miranda, a chick that used to run in the same circle as our brothers, was all over him.
When her hands touched his thighs, I chugged my strawberry daiquiri.
When her lips brushed his ear to whisper filthy things, I sank into my chair and felt the angry drunk my dad used to be rising to my surface.
When Nate’s hand landed on her ass and his eyes flicked up to see if I noticed, I radiated something so sinister that the two people near me got up and left.
Fuck. Him.
“Xavi! How’d your brother get off in jail with a cellmate? Did they fuck?” someone shouted.
There were three things I hated. Being asked about Maddox’s jail time, June bugs, and Nate’s hand on Miranda’s ass. It was a brutal trifecta tonight, and I was fucking done.
I might not have spent all my time trying not to be my dad like Devon did, but if I didn’t get away, I’d bring the world down with me. I pushed out of the chair and grabbed hold of the door handle for balance. Barefoot and shirtless, I limped inside, bitch-slapped a June bug, and slammed the door shut behind me, closing the curtain, too.
The image of Nate and Miranda burned in my mind like a fiery stencil.
