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“Maddox said he tripped and found out where his dick was supposed to go. I like to think we’re more graceful than that.” I shrugged.
He snorted. “No, we’re not. But since I have to be the responsible one, you have first pick at sex positions when our cell doors click closed every night. Take the responsibility off me on that one.”
Mmm. Fair deal.“Fine. No more wardens though, okay?”
“Wardens?”
“Yeah. People influencing us. No more Andrea telling who to say what. No more of our brothers’ backward meddling. No morelifetelling us we have to be on some damn clock, you know? We’ve always figured out our own shit, so let’s just stick with what we know.”
Nate laughed. “What we know, eh? Because we know so much about this?”
I had every confidence we’d figure it out. Plus, if Maddox and Devon could figure it out, there was hope for anyone. And I wasn’t even that terrified of it. Maybe I should have been.
We both sat in silence to finish the rest of our coffees. He had another smoke, and then he chewed a piece of gum. Pretty sure the gum was supposed to prevent the cigarette, but whatever; he tried. Sometimes.
The silence was the weirdest part about the morning because we weren’t the silent type together. I was quiet on my own, but Nate was the only person who made me comfortable enough to open my mouth so often. The gears and cogs of my mind cranked together, getting stuck on unclear things but not really giving a shit, so they kept on grinding.
“I feel like there’s more responsible shit I should be bringing up,” he said after a while.
“Yeah. Something for sure.” Couldn’t really say what. There were a million things to figure out, but we’d get to them when they happened.
Nate snapped his fingers. “Got it! We should get sex tests.”
“STI tests?” I asked; he nodded. “We do that all the time.” I laughed. “Pretty sure we’ve had one every few months for… years.” They were free at the same clinic as the nicotine gum, and I loved nothing more than taking handouts whenever they were offered. Hell, for a year there, I even chewed this disgusting gum just because it was cheaper than store-bought gum.
“Oh, right. Didn’t know if there were new ones we should get.” He nodded, bummed that he hadn’t thought of anything responsible. “HIV?”
“Yep.” I snapped my fingers at him. “That one. Let’s do it.”
“Oh! I have a better idea!”
I loved when he had better ideas because they were always terrible. “Hit me with it.”
“We fuck with Devon and Maddox about it.” He smirked like the daredevil I knew he was.
I straight up rolled my eyes at that.
“What? Not a good idea?”
I stood up and grabbed my mug. “Obviously, we are fucking with Madd and Dev about it. Hate that you even had to ask.” I nudged him on my way by, and even though this felt really good, I had no idea how we were just going to turn things sexual.
We’d been doing sexy things together for a while, but crossing the line between watching to touching was… well, my dick was hard and my mind was fucked, so there was that. Maybe I should get someone to just dare him to lick my sack again?Now there’s a meddle for my brother to participate in.
CHAPTER11
NATE
I’d never much caredthat we shared a storage room as a bedroom and only had two mattresses on the floor because the hallway wouldn’t fit an actual bed frame, but it bothered me now. This place was not fit for a water-dispensing fridge, and for the first time in maybe forever, I wanted to have that place worthy of Xavi’s dream.
I blinked away the sleep fog and looked over at Xavi’s mattress. Asleep on his stomach, blankets kicked down to pool around his ankles, and his bad toe hanging off the end, his body was on display enough for me to perv on it for a quick sec.
He had that Kane tanned skin tone, but just below the dimples of his lower back, a perfectly straight tan line drew a boundary between where I could normally look and where I wasn’t supposed to want to. Since our chat about ‘things’ and being cellmates, I figured I could peruse freely now. I rolled onto my side to check him out and try to understand when hard muscles, bad tats, and scars started looking better than soft curves and tits.
It might have happened that night he was a dominant animal way back when. I’d seen him get rowdy, but that was the first night I saw him blur the lines between dominantly playful and daringly challenging. It was with Kaylee, and she’d been mad at him for something I couldn’t remember. Instead of him taking a scolding, he dared her to do better. She tried to dominate him, but he’d put her in place every goddamn time while making her feel like she had enough power to keep trying. I didn’t know what it was about that night, but I found myself wondering what it’d feel like to be Kaylee. To be on the receiving end of his authority. To feel the way he empowered me while taking charge. Things shifted around a bit then—my sexuality most of all—and it’d been the start of this wholethingI had for him.
Looking at him now, I gave him credit for having so much depth despite how simple-minded people wanted to believe he was. Xavi could be soft and funny one second and hard and brutal the next. He could be powerful and empowering, serious and lackadaisy, brilliant and dumb. It was his ability to morph his persona depending on who he was around and what the situation was that really impressed me.
I had one setting: me. Lost, unfocused, non-serious, and loyal. That was my basic setting. An anger flare-up happened from time to time, I blew up about things because I sucked at processing information and feelings, and I usually tried to find the light in everything, but at my base level, I was just a fuck up with no idea what I was doing.
