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“I know. You did good, Xav.” I nudged him with my shoulder, proud as shit.
He snaked his arm under mine and held my hand on my thigh like it was no big deal. It brought attention to my thighs, but for once, I didn’t feel too shit about them.
“Having second thoughts about yourmehkid? Turning into amaybekid again?” I asked.
“I never realized I was so soft,” he said instead. “Like, here I am, thinking I’m this hardened lowlife, used to fucked-up shit and capable of dealing with it. Able to laugh it off, you know?”
I nodded.
“But I’m not. I got used toourlife. Our definition of shitty. Our way of being poor and neglected. Karen’s is totally different, and if I was in her shoes, I doubt I could handle it. Juvie and a girls’ home? God. I’d get beaten to death or just… die from depression.”
“You could. We adapt to what we’re in. That’s how she survives.”
“Yeah, but she also bitch-slaps the bad parts away from tainting her. I think we tried to do that, but instead of winning at it, we pretended to be happy when we sometimes weren’t.” Xavi looked at me, dark hair dripping and eyes on mine. “You’re not wearing sunglasses.”
“I’m not hiding.”
He leaned in and pecked my lips. Then licked me. “You told me to take. So I’m taking.” He hooked a leg up on the dock. “Okay, so no. Nomehkids, nomaybekids, no kids, period.”
“What? Why? I thought having Karen around would make up your mind.”
“It did. That’s what I mean by being soft. I’m at my emotional limit with her. I wanna help her be happy and make sure she gets out of there with her smile still on her face, but after that, I’ll need like a decade long nap because this shit is draining. I don’t wanna be someone’s full-time life-protector. I want Karen to be ours, always in our life, but more like our younger sister. Not our kid. I forgot how hard it is to worry about someone all the time. Madd and Dev have been good for so long that I got used to being lazy about it.”
“You aren’t lazy.” I laughed. “You deserved the break.”
“So did you,” Xavi said. “But!”
“Uh oh. A but.” I smirked at him.
“Yes, a but. A different butt later.” His smile was as cheesy as his joke. He tried to wink, too, but it was more of a blink that got water in his eyes. “You know what we’re awesome at?”
“Chatting?”
“Yes, and?”
“Bonding?”
“Yes. What else?”
“Fucking. Doing life together. Having each other’s backs. Talking shit through. Making plans. Meddling.” I looked to see if any of those were what he wanted to hear.
“Yes, but what el—just ask me what. Just say, ‘what are we good at, Xav?’ and I’ll answer it.” He cleared his throat, resetting the scene. “But! You know what we’re awesome at?”
“What are we awesome at, Xav?”
“Being older brothers. I might not know how to go Daddy for Karen, but I can sure as fuck be an older brother. We both can. You know?”
Fucking loved that. “Damn right we can. Maybe the boys will give us a reference.”
“They fucking better. Swear to all that is holy, they’d be dead without us.” He wobbled his head a bit. “Sometimes they almost diedbecauseof us, but whatever. That shit all buffs out in the end.”He looked right at me, green eyes bright. “And we can be that for the kid at the park. That’s who we are, Nate. That’s what we’re good at.”
He had a point. One I’d already considered. We weren’t parents at heart or big goal-type people, but we had a love for each other that was growing and a determination to be protective in the only way we knew how. Which was the same way everyone else in Garron Park was protective of us. I didn’t want that boy to look at me like I was some adult trying to fix him. He didn’t need fixing; he needed safety. I wanted him to knock on our door and know he’d never be turned away, because when I was his age, that was all I needed. That was what helped me survive.
“Thanks for getting it, Xav. Thanks for not calling me dumb for wanting it.”
He scoffed. “You aren’t dumb. For a minute there, we let everyone tell us we were, but they don’t get it. No one gets us like we do, and that’s what makes us happy.” He leaned in to kiss my neck, and my whole body broke out in goosebumps. “Hand-holding and neck kissing. Mmm.”
Do not get a hard dick while Karen is nearby.
