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“You also love the rough and dominant shit,” he said. “I think you’re this weird combination of aggressively swoony and soft and simple. Like… hand-holding can get you off.” He grinned. “Love that about you.” He took another drink before handing me the glass.
I sipped the rum. “What else do you love about me? Build my confidence, Nate.”Make me believe I’m worthy of you and a farm and all these dreams coming true.
“I love that you got our names tattooed on your knuckles,” he started, crawling to straddle my lap.
“Even if the N looks sorta like an H?”
“Even more because of that.” He smirked, kissing my neck and playing with my hair. “I love that you tried to be a mentor to Karen, but she became one to you instead.”
“That smiling little badass really knows what’s up in life,” I agreed. Couldn’t wait to see her tomorrow and tell her about the farm.She’ll be pumped for me!
“I love that you moved back to Garron Park with me because I wanna be Andrea 2.0.” His hands slid down my chest.
“You better start taking lessons from her. She’s top-notch and has a lot to teach.” I finished the drink and set it down.
“Yeah, but it’s you who gives me the confidence to actually do it.”
“Nah. That’s all you.”
Nate laughed, unsure if he agreed with that. “Look at us, Xav. Can you even believe this shit?”
Sometimes it all felt like a fever dream.“What’d we ever do to deserve all this?”
He shook his head. “Like, look how fucking fortunate we are. We have our own place, together! We have a boat and a lava lamp. We have bracelets and tattoos and a whole new version of love that I never thought could happen.”
I squeezed his thighs, loving everything about the moment. “We have Karen and Evan, happy brothers, the potential for two businesses, and a fridge with a water dispenser.”
Mind-fucked. For two guys who went with the flow, stumbled through making fun of the situations we got thrown into, and laughed off more than we took seriously, life gave us a whole slew of massive wins. I almost felt guilty. Guilty for being someone who never really dreamed, but only realized he had dreams when they happened. It felt backwards. Most people worked their whole lives to achieve their goals, and a part of me felt like I cheated the system. Didn’t work hard enough. Didn’t put in the right amount of effort to actually have everything I had.
It's like life gave us so many lemons that the lemonade just made itself when they fermented.
Sure, we weren’t millionaires, and Pete told me that owning a farm made you asset rich, but cash poor, so it wasn’t like we were going to become wealthy because of it, but it was a job I’d love. Plus, we had fuck all cash already anyway. And I’d get to do it with Maddox.
Everything good overwhelmed me, and my eyes got watery. I always thought I was this loser who’d been down on his luck and the butt of all jokes, but when I really thought back on my life, it wasn’t so bad. I had Nate all along. I had Maddox. I had a community in Garron Park and people looking out for me. Maybe my luck didn’t change as of late. Maybe I’d always been lucky but was only just realizing it for the first time.
“Feels good, doesn’t it?” Nate asked, thumb swiping a tear away. “Most of the world would look at us like we’re poor idiots. But we’re happy like this, aren’t we? We’re… life is fucking good, Xav.”
“Because of you,” I told Nate. “Even when we were kids. Idiots running around. We got through everything together. I think we were always meant to be here. Like… what kind of friends actually do the whole threesome thing together?” I laughed. “It was fate, pushing us to this point.”
Against my lips, he said, “So glad we’re the kind to be pushed by fate and flounder through it all.”
When Nate kissed me, it didn’t end. Hours could have gone by. Days, even. Because it was easy to get lost in him—in us. In the bond we’d always shared and continued to deepen. I wondered if soulmates always turned out this way. We found them when we needed them, even if it wasn’t romantic, and morphed the bond into whatever worked in the best interest of both of us.
When the sun was down and my back was sweaty against the bed, Nate pushed inside me, eyes connected and mouths open. I loved him. More than anything in the world. Words weren’t always my strong suit, but the movement of my body and the eye contact we shared said so much more than simple words ever could. Because Nate loved me too.
We were done feeling weird about it, thinking we were unworthy of it, and being afraid of it because it was risky. It wasn’t risky anymore. It was fate. Him and me and the love we shared.
Love was our luck. And once we stopped denying it, that’s when all our dreams started coming true.
* * *
It’d been a weird day.A weird day for moms.
My mom had sat the four of us down and showed us the journal Andrea had been making her write. It stated all the things she was coping with, and it hurt me so badly that I stopped being mad at her. Mom had trauma, and it sucked to know that I never paid attention to that part. She was doing better, but it hurt to process. Maddox and I agreed to support her every step of the way.
Then the facility where Nate and Devon’s mom lived called to say she was having a very rare lucid day. We’d booked it over there, and as we walked in, she burst into tears about how all her prayers were finally coming true. How she always envisioned a future with the four of us together. I didn’t know if she understood that Nate was mine in a way he never had been before, but she looked happy with whatever she saw between us. She said it was always meant to be us, Sawyers and Kanes. Then she made a joke about killing Jim with a cackle that I’d never forget and a smile so wide I saw her heart through her throat, and then her lucidity wore off. When we left, we were all feeling pretty sentimental.
Then Karen called. Said that her mom had come to visit her at the girls’ home. She had brought colour palettes and magazines and had spent two hours with Karen, picking out furnishings for her new room when she got out of the home. Karen said it was the most motherly thing she’d ever done, and even though she was happy about it, she was afraid to be too hopeful. So, I’d gone to pick her up from the home, had to sign my name on a permission slip like I was a real adult, and we fled. We got two milkshakes and ended up here.
