AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Looking around, he realizes nothing’s changed. Every other time he’s been here, he hadn’t paid much attention, but now he notices their one measly wedding photo still hangs on the wall. She never took it down. His beat-to-hell leather chair he loved still sits in the same spot in front of the TV. She didn’t change a single thing. Did she leave it all even when Rush was here, or did it come back after they murdered the asshole?
In the kitchen, she stops and turns. “Do you want some coffee?”
“Sure,” he says, “but don’t think this gets you out of answering the question.”
She sighs and fills the pot with water from the sink before pouring it into the coffee maker. “It was hard not to, TK.”
“What do you mean?”
“When your husband doesn’t seem to have any interest in you anymore, it messes with your head. You start to wonder if you’re too fat, too old, too ugly. Is there someone else out there he wants more? Is she younger and prettier? Do her boobs not sag after having three kids? Should I get work done? Am I sexy enough? It just plays on a loop you can’t shut off.”
The words stab at him, and he takes a moment before saying anything, letting them absorb into his mind. He looks around the large kitchen she loved to spend mornings in. It was the main reason they purchased the house, and she loved making them breakfast. Sitting at the island she served him breakfast every morning reminds him that even at the end, she still tried to show him her love.
But how many meals did she eat alone because you stayed gone?
“Are you seeing anyone?”
Karmen laughs. “Uh, no. I learned my lesson the hard way.”
“What do you mean?”
“Lex has a better shot since she’s a hell of a lot younger than I was when we split, but she’ll realize there’s only the club for women like us. And there’s no one who’d want anything to do with me after what happened. Besides, I don’t want anyone. I didn’t really want Rush, so I’m alone until the day I die.”
He waits for her to ask him the same question, but she doesn’t. She’s privy to the knowledge he’d been bedding two busty blondes, he supposes. No need to ask.
“If you didn’t really want Rush, why go through all of it?”
Turning, she rests her tailbone on the counter and crosses her arms under her chest. Her eyes avoid him, and it annoys the shit out of him. “Because I wanted attention. He had it out for you for some reason, and he was giving me what you didn’t.”
“You didn’t feel like you got what you needed from me?”
“It sounds stupid. Itwasstupid. If I could go back and change it all, I would. I was desperate and just wanted you to see me. When nothing I did seemed to work, I just settled for someone who gave me what I was looking for.”
Standing, he walks around the island to pin her against the counter, his body pressed against hers. “I took you for granted.”
She turns, her back to his front, and reaches for the coffee mugs in the cupboard above them. “It doesn’t excuse what I did, TK. I’ll never forgive myself. Never. That was nothing more than a terrible decision made by a desperate woman, and I hate myself every day for it.”
“If I had been a better husband,” he says, his lips right by her ear, “you wouldn’t have become a desperate woman. In a perfect world, you would’ve never wondered if I still wanted you.”
“The world isn’t perfect.”
“No, but you should have been able to tell me and have me listen. I’m listening now, Karmen.”
Swallowing, she takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Hesitantly. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying it’s my fault. I’m the one who let us die.”
Her body trembles against his, and his heart pounds in his chest and moves to throb in his fingertips. He avoided this conversation for so long because, deep down, he knew it was his fault. That he did this to them, but blaming her for everything came so easily.
“What are you saying, TK?” she asks again. Hope. That’s what he hears in her voice, but she tries to hide it.
“It’s not your fault,” he whispers as his hand slides up her shirt and cups her chest. His lips move to her neck, and her nipple hardens against his palm like it always used to. Her body reacts just like it did before, even after all this time.
Her chest rises and falls quickly and tears fall from her cheek. “TK, stop.”
His body immediately stills. “Stop?”
“I know you want to hurt me for everything that happened, but I can’t take this.”
