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She tests it, and she almost flinches once she says it.
“Yes, our.”
I lower my head, and she presses harder against me. We can’t get any closer, but she can let me know she wants what’s happening. When our lips meet, I slide my tongue into her mouth. She sucks lightly. I back her against the nearest wall, taking her hands and pinning them over her head with my left one.
“That’s right,piccolina. Our. We can deny this as long as we want. We can pretend to fool others. But you know, just like I do, that there’s a shit ton more going on between us than amazing fucking.”
“There is. Gabe, you’ve made your confessions to me. Now I’m making mine. Ever since the accident and the shitstorm that blew in from it, I’ve been very selective about who I let into my life. I haven’t had a boyfriend in years because I don’t trust easily. I also don’t want to lose another person I love. In spite of all Delaney’s issues and the way things went down that night, I loved my sister. My dad doesn’t know who I am. My mom and sister are dead. Everyone I’ve loved is gone. But I trusted you as soon as I met you. Maybe not always as much as I should have, but even when my trust wavered in one direction, it remained strong in others. I wasn’t working the entire time I was at Paola’s. There was a lot of time to think. I know how fast a situation can change and how close to death you can come. I know what it feels like to truly believe you’re going to die. To fear it. To accept it. To fight it. You told me if you hadn’t found any other woman you wanted to let into your life in thirty-one years, then you probably won’t find another. It’s the same for me. I’ve gone on dates, and I’ve fucked. But this— you and me —this isn’t anything like my past. I refuse to think about a future that isn’t you.”
“I made love to you earlier, Sinead. I’m going to fuck you now. For appearances’ sake, we won’t let the world know yet. But that is your bed now. Once this case is over, I expect you in it every night. Can you live with that?”
“I can move in tomorrow. Can we fuck now?”
I think I growl. I definitely pounce. I pin her against the wall, my body pressing hers. I’m careful not to take it too far, but she would have to push me or safe word to get free. Her kiss is frantic as she spreads her feet enough for me to slide my leg between hers. She rocks against it, grinding her pussy, needing to get off. When we break our kiss to breathe, I ease some of the pressure I’m putting on her.
“No.”
She snaps the one word. I raise an eyebrow, unsure what she means. I lean back more, worried I’m hurting her.
“No. Don’t move away. Keep me here.”
“You like being pinned to the wall? No way to escape whatever I want to do to you?”
“Only because it’s you, but yes. It’s— it’s something I didn’t know I wanted. Some fantasy I didn’t know I have.”
I spin her around, pressing her wrists together against her lower back. She turns her head, so her right cheek rests against the wall. Her eyes are closed, and she looks relaxed. I use my free hand to push down, then kick off my basketball shorts before lifting my shirt she’s wearing. I pull her hips back enough to impale her. Then I trap her against the wall once again.
“Is this what you want,piccolina? You want me to take?”
“Yes.”
“What’s your safe word?”
“Cabbage, Daddy.”
I sense she not only wants it rough, but she wants me demanding. She just told me everyone she loves is gone. They’ve left her in one way or another. Her fantasy is about someone wanting her enough to not let go. To refuse to be apart from her. To insist they be together. My sweetpiccolinahas been on her own a long time. I’ve always had my family to keep me company and to protect me. She hasn’t had that in at least ten years.
I thrust into her over and over. I watch to make sure this doesn’t go from erotic to harmful. That I can’t stomach. I release her wrists and move them to beside her head, my hands covering hers.
“You are mine, Sinead. I might have control of your body right now, but you also know I’m shielding you from anything or anyone who could come near us. You know you’re safe with me.”
“I know. That’s the only reason I can do this. It feels so good to have your cock in me, fucking me. But it feels good to let you have control. And I do feel protected by you being behind me. I feel small, and you feel big enough to shield me from all the shit in my life.”
I keep fucking her as I kiss her shoulder and along her neck. Her moans make my cock twitch, and I’m getting close to coming. I pull out, and she screams. I spin her around just as easily as I did before. I heft her over my shoulder and carry her into our bedroom.
ChapterTwenty-One
Sinead
I don’t know what it is about Gabriele. What makes one person the perfect match for another? What I told him is the truth. I don’t trust easily. I haven’t wanted to let anyone into my life. I have a small group of friends, and I’m fine if I don’t have any more. I can see how I could let Gabriele subsume me, but I don’t think he wants that. I think he wants me to be separate and independent from him. I think he wants me to know I’m safe to do that. That he’ll be here no matter what.
When he had me against the wall, it released something in me. It was the same as having him chase me. I knew that would make him angry, and a fucked-up part of me wanted that. I’ve had no one care enough about me to get angry about anything I do. Marta’s probably the closest as far as someone older than me, and Andrea is my closest friend. But neither of them would demand I stay safe. Neither would make me relent and hand over control to them. I like it when I can do that with Gabriele. Because as fierce as he is, as strong and imposing as he can be, I have never felt calmer than when I’m with him.
He does horrible things to horrible people. He’s violent for a living, and his lifestyle only promotes it. His family business is to hurt people among other things. I can tell he’s good at what he does. His command of every situation tells me that. When he was angry with me in that restroom, when he had me pinned against the wall a moment ago, as he carries me into what’s nowourbedroom, there’s a gentle man beneath the surface.
The one who wants to be tender with me and take care of me. The one who wants to make me happy. No one would ever guess it— at least no one outside his family —but I think he’s a gentle giant. He certainly proved he can be while I was in the hospital. But I think that’s his true nature. He said if he didn’t have to carry a gun, he wouldn’t even own one. He’s a man of many contradictions, but he’s been unwavering in his feelings for me.
“Piccolina, lie on the bed and don’t move. Face down.”
