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“I like this, Gabe.”
“Me, too. I’d stay like this forever if we could.”
That might be one of the most romantic things anyone has ever said to me. When he strokes my back, I fear I’ll fall asleep. I play with the hair just above his nape, running my fingers through it despite it being short. He turns his head, and our kiss is languid and so incredibly tender. He tucks hair behind my ear as he holds me. We pull apart just enough to gaze into one another’s eyes.
“You liked me following you. Is that a fantasy you want to explore?”
“Yes. With you, it excites me. It’s one of those things where I’ve thought about it before but never been with anyone who tempts me to try it. It’s one of those that I would never want to have happen in real life, but I like the idea sexually.”
I pause for a moment, then pull back.
“Is that— is it — mmm —too close to what you really do?”
“Chase women down dark hallways to fuck them? No. I’ve never done that before.”
He chuckles, and it takes away some of my fear that I put my foot in it.
“But you know what I mean.”
“Nothing about that scenario reminds me of work.”
“Is this one of those lies to protect me?”
His fingers curl under my chin as his thumb strokes my jaw.
“No,piccolina. I would never bring that part of my life into my intimacy with you. Have I been in fights in alleys? Yes. Have I pursued people? Yes. But I don’t see those things as being remotely the same as roleplaying with you. Once I catch you, do you want me to pin you against the wall like earlier?”
“Yes.”
Do I sound desperate with how breathy that word was?
He flexes his hips to push himself deeper into me. His arm tightens around me, pressing me down. He does nothing else to really turn this into sex. It’s just melding us closer together. I love it.
“What you said about getting me pregnant?”
I wait to see how he reacts. He just nods.
“I’m not ready to take my IUD out and start talking about kids. I know you want to be married before having them, and so do I. But even then, I want to wait a couple more years. But what you said. I loved it. Would you— I want you to say stuff like that.”
I find my courage to say what I want. We’re partners. This isn’t something I want to ask permission for. And I don’t think he expects me to.
“I’d like to. I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it. It’s the truth, but I don’t mean right this second.”
“For all the possessive things you say, never once have I felt— I don’t know —threatened by it. I think you’ll encourage me to spend time with my friends, to go see the little family I have left. I don’t think you’ll isolate me at all. I don’t think you’ll make me question myself or diminish me. Just the opposite. I think it would upset you if I did. I don’t think your type of possessiveness would— could —ever be emotionally or mentally abusive. I think your protectiveness of me is so that I can be who I want to be.”
“You continue to read my mind, little girl.”
“I know.”
“I like it.”
“For now.”
I grin.
“No, really, Sinead. I like it. I feel understood like I never have before. There’s been no one else romantically or sexually that I’ve wanted to give the opportunity to learn about me. Carmine understands me in much the same way, but my friendship with him is nothing like how I feel about you. He’s like a fraternal twin, I suppose.”
“Hearing that makes me happy. I guess I’m possessive too. I like knowing you haven’t shared this with anyone else before. I know I haven’t.”
