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Taking a scratchy, deep breath, I assess my surroundings. This seems utterly careless for him. Surely, he had to know I would wake up at some point.
I flick my gaze over to him again, my adrenaline rising, understanding that this might be the chance I've been waiting for. His eyes are still closed; his breathing is still slow and deep.
Shit, shit, shit! The tirade of curse words tumbles through my head as I frantically search around the car for something sharp to cut the zip ties with.
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing jumps out at me as a viable option. Fucking ridiculous. First, I was held in a basement with nothing but sharp tools, and now there isn't even a plastic fork in sight.
The sharp tug of the restraints on my ankles has me looking down and realizing that he hasn't changed those for days. The frayed edges of the single tie are tinged pink by my blood. Worn. The tie on my ankles is worn down; I wonder if I put enough force on it if it would snap.
A choked snore beside me has my heart pounding around in my chest, a clear representation of trying to get the fuck out. A bead of sweat, like a gentle caress on my neck, makes my breath stall in my throat.
The first night at home with my guys...Korren elicited the same soothing touch on my neck after he made my panic spike. I was so damn scared about the guys being mad about me paying them back. Yet, Koko kneeled before me and brought me back from the edge.
My fierce protector sat me at his family table and kept me close to his side.
Korrens arm wraps around the back of my chair, keeping me from going anywhere. I gulp, trying to shove the feelings of being trapped away. I'm not sure what face I make, but Korren notices and removes his arm, giving my neck a gentle caress as he moves. My shiver of delight is unexpected.
A sob gets lodged in my throat from being distracted by the memory of kindness and care. That was one of the first moments I felt my body react that way to someone again. He elicited a chill of pleasure and yearning unlike anything I had ever felt.
Later that night, I fell asleep curled up beside him on the couch after he found me raiding his kitchen like the chocolate thief I am.
A tear falls.I miss him.
I miss all four of them so much that my chest feels like it's being sawed in half, almost like I'm one of the victims of a chainsaw massacre. Nope. I'm living my own nightmare once again. I'm not an actress in a movie, nor am I a fictional character for people to cringe about.
I'mreal.This isreal,and it fuckinghurts. Everything hurts. I'm in absolute agony, and I'm alone. Four pieces of my heart were ripped away from me, leaving my chest a gaping wound that nobody can heal.
I matter.I FUCKING MATTER!
And just like any other time, it mattered for me to fight...to focus...I wasn't strong enough. I, too easily, succumbed to my trauma once again, and now it's too late. All because I let the never-ending heartache drown me with fantom touches of my soul mates.
"Good morning, Pet."
Still held deep in the pit of failure, I attempt to drown out Kyle's incessant babbling. To no avail, his words still strike my tender soul like he intends to.
"Nobody is looking for you; you know that, right? I mean, why would they?" His scoff sends nauseous goosebumps down my spine. "We both know you are only good enough for the hole between your legs."
I flinch. And I fucking hate it.
He hasn't drugged me yet today; it seems he wants my company for the next stretch of the road trip. It's been a few hours since he woke up, and somehow, we are still on some long stretch of sandy roads.
My forehead burns up against the window, and my stomach rolls constantly. I really don't feel good. I wish I could float away...but that little party trick was healed right out of me. Still mad about it.
"The boys sitting with you last week...I'm sure you annoyed the shit out of them. What does a poor little mouse like you have to offer? I bet you can't even get them to feel one ounce of happiness with that decrepit mind of yours."
I keep chanting the words "don't listen" over and over again to myself in my head. But what if he's right? I know I've been through some shit, and I know I have really bad days. Maybe those outweigh the good memories, though. Maybe when they noticed I was missing, they felt relief. No poorer traumatized girl to deal with...just like Kyle said.
My vision twists and twirls, another dizzy spell making me want to keel over.
Annoyance and anger flare once the loopiness fades a bit. "And what about you, dipshit? No family loved you either, huh?" If I'm going to feel like shit, then he can too.
"Listen, bitch, that's none of your business. Just because your whore legs couldn't buy you loyalty doesn't mean you know anything about me." He sneers at me before his eyes dart back to the road.
He isn't fast enough to shift his focus back before we hit a pothole that turns the shooting pain in my head into white-hot agony. It's enough for my vision to white out and a groan to tumble from my mouth.
A sharp slap on my thigh has me gasping at the sting left behind.
