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Amiri is so damn solid and hasn't shed a fucking tear since he ushered me up the ladder. Nolan's focus has been plastered on his boyfriend since they found us in the waiting room. And Ryan is completely blank.
My gut twinges, guilt already surfacing at attacking him, but this void of loneliness and despair has me grasping at anything that might give me a connection back to my family.
Nolan flies out of his chair at me and gets in my face; he can be a scary motherfucker when he gets angry. Nol in protective mode is even more terrifying. I'm aware I could kick his ass, but damn, does he pack a punch when he's defending himself or others. Past experiences have me taking a step back, knowing that I crossed a big enough line to have sweet Nolan squaring up to my tall, broad, tattooed form.
Shit. He follows me when I step back, not allowing me to get away with the crap I just pulled. His face is absolutely thunderous as he stares me down.
"You will not speak to any of us that way ever again," I admit that the way his voice turns to fucking gravel sends an ashamed shudder through me. He's fucking pissed. "How you have managed to forget that trauma is different for everyone is absolutely ridiculous. He saw her. He fucking broke. And this is what his broken looks like. Say one more fucking word to him, and I will throw your ass out of this hospital faster than you can protest. Understood?"
The way he steps further into my space tells me that my nod was not good enough for him. "Say it or get the fuck out."
"I understand; I'm sorry." The words waver on my tongue, and my eyes burn at the shame firing its way through my body.
"Bullshit, you can apologize later."
He steps away and sits by the frozen man in question. One tear tracks its way down Ryan's cheek, causing immense pain to squeeze my chest. I turn and make my way out of the room, knowing I'm no longer welcome.
Evelyn
"You okay?"
"Ask me that one more time, Korren; I dare you." I roll my eyes, annoyed with his overprotectiveness right now. I asked to go out to eat for dinner with all of them, but they keep shooting me looks like I'm about to fall apart. And maybe I will, but right now, I am just fine.
I mean, hell, I always go out with Mia and Josie; this just happens to be the first time I'm going out with the guys. I think they are far more comfortable keeping me wrapped up in the comfort of our home, even with my sperm donor and Brent not allowed parole.
"You are not allowed to tell me how good the food is," Miri grumbles from the driver's seat. His playful pout has some of the moodiness in the backseat dissipating; a giggle slips free.
"Eve, promise me that you will tell us if you want to leave, okay?"
I twist towards Korren, a scowl twisting my features, ready to tell him to back off before I get overwhelmed. I thought we all learned not to push me like this; we all learned about this trigger a few days ago at Thanksgiving.
The twisting of his hands in his lap makes me pause; my tough man is struggling. "I promise. I'm good right now, but please don't push me; it's making me super anxious." His eyes flare in understanding, an apology on the tip of his tongue.
"I love this song!" With that, Ryan blasts the song You Need To Calm Down by Taylor Swift. I smirk as Nolan snorts next to me, his eyes glittering with happiness.
I don't sing along with the man in the passenger seat, my lungs feeling a bit short of breath today; instead, I rest my head on my best friend's shoulder and enjoy the sounds of their playfulness.
I think we were all relieved when I caused no issues or stress at dinner once we were seated at a corner booth. With my men surrounding me, I felt safe and content to enjoy the time out.
Holding onto Amiri's hand as we walk to the SUV, I lose myself in his wide smile and rumbly laughter, completely at peace in his presence.
"Evelyn?"
Everything pauses. Amiri's head is tipped back in a laugh, unmoving. My eyes shoot to Ry, whose arms are wrapped around Nolan, frozen and speaking quietly in his ear. Korren, beside me, is staring at the ground with a small smirk on his face, foot midair. The world around me has literally come to a standstill at the sound of my mother's voice.
That voice...no, this doesn't make sense.
This isn't right. This isn't how this night ended.
That thought brings horrific clarity, I'm not actually here. This memory is just that...a memory.
"Eve, honey."
I refuse to look forward, the pain from realizing that this isn’t real...that something so horrific is happening outside my mind, causing me to retreat. I have never been lucid in a dissociation memory...why is this different?
"Sweetheart, please look at me..." Momma's soft voice tugs at the loss I feel in my soul at losing her too soon.
I look up. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it sure as fuck wasn't her looking the exact same as I remember. Nor did think I'd find her crying with a look of pure sadness as she searches out my gaze. My tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth, unable to get any words to form.
