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I break. Saying the words out loud makes it more of a reality than I ever wanted it to be. I drop the phone to the ground at the same time my ass hits the floor. I can hear my mom and dad yelling out for me, but I can't bring myself to say anything else. I whip my glasses off and bury my face between my knees, sobs racking my body to the point of pain.
It's nowhere near as much as Eve has been through, yet I can barely handle it. Questions and fears start roaring in my head, each battling for the spotlight.
Does she know she's safe? What if she doesn't make it? Did she hear Korren and Amiri while on the ledge with her? What if she never wakes up? I didn't try hard enough to find her. Did she give up hope? Did she see the cliff? Will I ever be able to hear her voice or see her eyes light up at the prospect of a new experience?
I'm positively drowning in my own mind; the thought of reaching for the surface doesn't sound appealing, either.
"Nolan."
Korren's voice has me tilting my head back to stare into his glistening eyes. He crouches down in front of me and lays a hand on my knee.
I didn't notice him joining me outside of the waiting room, but I'm glad he found me before I completely lost myself in my mind.
Is this how Eve feels when she zones out?
Realizing I'm still not with him fully, he grabs my phone off the ground beside me and lifts it to his ear. I drown out whatever he says and just soak up his comforting and commanding presence.
"Nol." He's off the phone when I open my eyes to the sound of his voice. I nod to let him know I'm listening. "Dr. Ellis said she can take visitors now, but just two at a time. We thought you should be the one to go, man."
A tear drops off his chin after he extends the selfless offer, his own heart breaking in front of me at the assumption he won't get to see her.
"Will you come with me, please?"
He rears back, shocked at my question, probably thinking I would want Ryan to come with me. I don't think him seeing Eve first would be good for his psyche. I want to know what he might see before we can't take it back. Plus, I think Amiri will be good for Ry right now, not Korren's dominating presence.
Also...I need Kor; he's one of the greatest men I know and someone I trust implicitly. I need him...I need my brother because he was here to pick up the pieces when I needed him the most.
"Please." He nods, shaking loose another tear. Maybe I can be what he needs to organize his broken parts, too, but the only thing that will make us whole is having Eve smiling at us with her eyes shining and contentment radiating from her aura.
He holds his hand out to help me, and I gratefully take it, knowing I am feeling a little shaky. I look down to see my phone shut down in his hands and trust that he calmed my parents enough for me not to worry about it.
Once I'm steady, I throw myself into his arms and take a little pride in the way I catch him off guard if his grunt is anything to go by. I wrap my arms around him before pulling away and placing my glasses back on my nose.
"I am so sorry for how I acted earlier," he rumbles, making my eyes burn with more tears at the vulnerability he's showing.
"I know. It's not me you need to apologize to, though."
He scrubs a hand through the greasy, dark strands of his hair. "I will apologize to Ry, too, I promise. I just-I felt so lonely and scared. You all seemed off in your own world and so controlled while I was falling apart." Kor swallows hard enough for me to see.
"You are not alone, brother. I swear. We all have our own way of coping and showing our emotions, but I fucking promise we all feel like we are being ripped apart." I can see in his eyes that he needs more from me, so I give it to him because he is family.
"I hurt so damn much, Korren. I haven't been able to sleep without nightmares or eat without feeling nauseous, and I can't stop my mind from running away from me. I have felt physically fucking ill for a week, and it's not because I'm sick. I am completely and utterly fucking devastated. You aren't ever alone, and I'm so sorry you have been feeling that way."
He doesn't utter a word; instead, he engulfs me in his arms with his scruff, scratching my forehead as he holds me tight. I think I hear a mumbled "thank you" before he releases me with a determination that lights a fire under my own ass.
Our girl needs us, and it's time we see her.
Making our way to Eve's room is a blur of white walls, white lab coats, and a whole fuck ton of Deja Vu. Stopped on the outside of her door, I look at Korren and take in his shaky features. I wish I had words to comfort him, but I don't think anything can prepare us for what we are about to see.
I take the lead, seeing as my brother hesitates to go in. Gently opening the door, a gasp chokes the air out of me while my own saliva drowns me in horror.
My sweet girl is much worse than the last time I saw her in a hospital bed. Tubes are hooked up to her everywhere; her leg is in a thick cast above the blankets, as well as her scratched and bruised arms. The rest of her body is under the white blanket...but her face. It's calm, so calm it makes my stomach fucking sink. Because I would rather her be yelling and crying over whatever this is. Tubes stick out of her nose and mouth, golden eyes shut with her dark hair tickling her cheeks.
A garbled sound behind me startles me out of my pursual. Chancing a glance at Kor, my vision blurs at the sight of tears tracking down his face and his hand covering his mouth. I don't expect him to move, so when he throws himself forward, I scramble away in shock.
His knees must be badly bruised after how many times I've seen him crash to the ground, but he pays the damage no mind as he clutches Eve's hand. On his knees before her, he shoves his face into the bed and wails.
My own tears track down my face as I take up the other side of the bed. Dragging a chair close to the bed, I grab one of her cold hands and use my other to run my fingers through her hair.
