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"I did!"
I turn to find three of my men backing away in fear while my golden man is wiggling around like he's too excited to control his own body.
A strange sense of static and bubbly energy builds in my fingertips and toes, my knees brace themselves, my fingers clench, and then I explode.
"I LOVE IT!!!"
Taking off into a limpy sprint, I run circles around my beautiful new machine, gasping at each new shiny thing I find. On my last lap, I detour and fling myself into Ryan's arms like a monkey.
"I love it! Thank you, thank you!" Peppering kisses all over his face, I pause for a deep breath, "I love you, Ryan, thank you."
"You're welcome, baby girl. Where do you think you will take it first?"
What a wonderful question.
I know exactly where I will go first.
Chapter 34
Evelyn
"Hi, Momma."
Grass pokes the bare skin of my legs where I sit beside the bouquet of flowers, we brought for her.
"They wouldn't let me drive alone, imagine that. I suppose with a brand-new car, allowing the girl without much driving experience to go by herself makes sense." I huff a laugh as I run my fingers over her name.
"You were the first place I wanted to go, Momma. I miss you so much." I swallow down the sob that wants to escape. "I can't cry yet; I have so much to tell you." I smile and wipe a tear away.
Where should I start?
"I'm going back to school. I think I want to be a therapist like I planned before everything happened." I sigh, "I wish I could hear your voice. None of this has been easy, Mom. I just-I miss you."
Tipping my head back, my chest spasms. "I've really needed you. I can't-I found out I can't have babies and you weren't there." Scoffing to myself, I train my gaze back on her resting place, "That was selfish, I'm sorry."
"The guys, they want a family and so do I. Not now, of course. I have a ton of work to do on myself before I'm fit to be a mother." I frown, my thoughts are a jumbled mess as I try to piece together everything, I want to tell her. "I think I want to adopt. I want to help people, I want to give a child a home and a family. God Mom, my men are going to be amazing fathers one day. I wish you were here to see it when the time comes."
Another piece of grass pops out of the soil at my picking. "I don't think this lingering sense of loss will ever go away...my future family was tortured out of me." Heart rate spiking, I fling my frantic gaze around, making sure nobody heard that. What a terrible thing to say in a graveyard to your mother.
"I'm thinking about volunteering at a shelter before I get back into working. The guys say they will support whatever I choose to do. I'm choosing to get better...tobebetter. I have a long way to go."
Camila Evelyn Yvonne
I had her tombstone changed last week with some of my family's inheritance. Momma is no longer trapped by the name Miller. The family money meant absolutely nothing to me...but the letter she wrote will forever be etched into my soul.
I pull it out of my pocket and reread the words she wrote to me so long ago.
Little Warrior,
You turned 13 today, and I'm terrified. I don't know if I can handle your teenage hormones...you best not start hating me, my sweet girl. You are forever my best friend.A live-in, lifelong soul mate.
I hope like hell you won't have to read this for a long long time. When you do though, I want you to know how thankful I am. I could apologize for your father, but our life together was never about him. It was about you and me. Evelyn Faye, thank you for making me the most lucky and loved woman in the world. I have no doubt that whatever life throws at you, you will rise from the ashes.
Nolan's Little Pheonix. I hope one day I will be able to walk you down the aisle to marry that young boy. He's been yours since you were babies, I swear. There are so many things I could say to you, but you, my little warrior, have the spirit of a thousand lives, you will be just fine without me.
So, thank you, my daughter, for the life you have given me, for every life before, and for every single one after.
Wherever you are, however far you go, I will always be with you.
