AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I've spent my life shouldering mean comments from my family and Mason, so why do I feel the need to torture myself by reading insensitive reviews? I'm not perfect, nor are my stories.
They say to be an author, you need to have tough skin. My skin is riddled with emotional scars that sometimes make me tough as fuck, but other times are my undoing.
Sniffling, I slam my laptop shut. The blanket that covered my lap is tossed to the floor on my way to the kitchen. Or, more importantly, the wine.
It's Tuesday night, a little past nine. I got almost a thousand words into my new novel when I got distracted by statistics, which led me down the path of one-star ratings and tears.
Layla's been asleep for about an hour now, so at least she won't see me like this. With a glass of chardonnay in hand, I plop my butt back on the couch and glare daggers at my laptop.
As I drink half the glass, I try to hype myself back up. Readers can be cruel. It's a damn good thing I'm completely devoted to my dream and am not easily swayed by the opinions of one person.
Anymore.
"Goddamnit!" I hiss at myself and scratch my forehead, refusing to go down the rabbit hole that is my abusive ex. As I drink the second half of the wine in my glass, I try to yank myself out of the tunnel of nightmares that’s pulling me by my ankles.
Feeling a slight buzz, I head back for another glass, telling myself that this will be the last one. Crackers tucked into my elbow, I snatch my phone off the coffee table and drop into the cushions again.
Boop.
I giggle at my text-tone. That shit is so hilariously cute. I'm shocked to see a text from Jude on my home screen. After we went our separate ways after dinner on Sunday, I was happy to say I really think I found a great group of people.
Even Jackson, but that was after he apologized to Gabby. Brother or not, nobody should be forced around by the whims of others. I could tell he really heard me and seemed taken aback by an outsider's perspective.
I admit I got choked up when they wrapped each other in a hug.God, I miss Tate.Nope, not going there either.
Jude: Hey you. I was hoping you might want to go out for a drink on Friday. Sunshine said she could watch Layla.
I spend the first half of my second glass of wine psyching myself up to respond. The liquid courage clearly does its job, since giddy excitement makes me bounce on the couch at the prospect of a date. I'm not stupid enough to think it really means anything, but damn, do I really want to go out with Jude.Time to test out those flirting skills I haven't used in years.
This all feels like it’s going really fast.But isn’t this what some adults do? Hook up? I don’t want a relationship; I want to get laid.My anxiety isn’t telling me to fear Jude, but I know I’ll need to work hard to keep my walls in place. Maybe this can be about sex. They can have bitchy Rylee. That’s all.
No emotion. No cuddles. No sleepovers. Just fun. I can do that. It’s all I have to offer, anyway.
Me: Oh wow, is the infamous Jude asking me on a date?
Jude: It truly is an honor ;) One you would be crazy to pass up.
Me: Let me just fall all over myself to accept.
Jude: Baby girl, I can't tell if you’re joking. Put my poor heart to rest and accept the honor of accompanying me this Friday. <3
Me: What time are you picking me up?
Jude: Good girl. I'll pick you up at eight on Friday and drop Sunshine off at the same time. <3
Oh fuck, time for bed!
* * *
The rest of the week goes by way too slow. The number of times I second-guessed getting a drink with Jude is ridiculous. I said yes to him when I had some wine in me and sober me started overthinking everything. It’s exhausting.
Bug got through one of her preschool prep books that I got for her a while back. Much to her annoyance. Ever since that girl saw the beach here, she's been obsessed. So obviously we have been going every day. Perks of working on my own schedule.
I’ve finally put our house together enough for the next two months, and I’ve flooded my camera roll with pictures of all the fun things we have been doing this week. Gabby has stopped by with coffee a few mornings before her day started, and let me tell you, Layla is so excited to spend tonight with her pixie.
Boop.
Jude: One hour, baby girl.
