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Hannah was twisting her napkin, looking a little sick, but now that he’d started, he needed to finish.
“But by the time I got older, she mostly thought what everyone thought, that I was surly and self-centered and whiny, that I didn’t appreciate my parents or you, that I was always going to be looking for something without ever trying to find it because I liked being able to complain about not having it. It’s not even that she was wrong—she wasn’t.
“I was all of those things, but Cass…Cass saw the best in every lost soul. She saw into the depths of people she passed on the street and changed their whole lives with her insight. She saw the truth of people and I hoped she saw more to me than everyone else did, but she didn’t. She saw the same disappointing Blue, and she didn’t like him. And she really, especially, didn’t like him for her niece.”
He could see her brain pinballing.
“She told you we shouldn’t be together?” she finally whispered.
“Oh yes.” Levi nodded, blowing out a breath. “She told me we would be miserable together all our lives, because you would always be Rapunzel refusing to leave your safe tower, and I would always be either dragging you with me or abandoning you. She didn’t think I deserved you, that I was too flighty and was going to ruin your ambitions. She said you were going to have Carrigan’s one day, and if I truly loved you, I would walk away and let you.”
Head in her hands, Hannah took long, shuddering breaths, then did some kind of tapping on her arms. He watched her, getting more and more afraid she wouldn’t believe him or that she would and she would hate him for telling her.
“You kept all of it a secret so I wouldn’t have to be mad at Cass,” she choked out. “You must have stuffed it further and further down until you were full of thorns and barbs and pain.”
He nodded. “So full I had to get out, so I could tear myself open and empty myself out and find something new to fill myself up with.”
“I made so much fun of you for leaving to ‘find yourself,’ but you had to, didn’t you?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know what version of myself I could have become here.”
“Was it just that?” she whispered. “That she told you to leave?”
He shook his head. “Do you remember that glamping trip she took you and Miriam on, the summer we were…twelve?”
Hannah nodded. “She said you didn’t want to go.”
“Hannah. It was hanging out with you and Miriam. It was being out in the woods. In a fancy camper where I could have cooked for us and brought my makeup. What possible part of that would I not have wanted? I remember the day she came to tell my mom she was taking you both, and she looked right past me like I wasn’t there, and said, ‘Of course Levi won’t want to go.’ That was kind of what it was like. All the time.”
If Hannah’s napkin had been paper, she would have torn it to shreds, working it in her hands.
“Are you sure,” she asked as she tried to suck air into her lungs, “she was doing it on purpose? You know she was…”She paused, probably trying to find a way to describe Cass’s idiosyncrasies that didn’t make her feel like a traitor.
He pulled at his hair. “I knew you wouldn’t believe me.” He’d hoped she would, but why should she give him the benefit of the doubt at this point?
“I can’t lose her!” Hannah cried. “If I believe everything you’re saying, I’ll lose her again.”
“But you can lose me,” he said. “Of course.” He pulled his scarf in front of his eyes, like somehow he could say the hard thing if he couldn’t see her. “I don’t think she was deliberately cruel, ever. She was temperamental, and selfish, and kind of bad with children, and when combined with a sensitive little boy who was afraid of rejection, it…soured us. And the thing is, it doesn’t really matter if she intended to harm me or not, because the end result was still that I was devastated by it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry the truth is that Cass was an asshole sometimes, and once she decided she didn’t like you, it was done. But, Hannah, I didn’t hide that from you. You knew that about her.”
“I did know that,” she whispered, so quietly he almost didn’t hear her.
Levi reached into the pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out the napkin, which he’d been carrying since Elijah gave it to him. He placed it down in front of Hannah and watched her pick it up. She fished a pair of reading glasses out of her purse, peering at the slightly smudged ink.
“I’ve never seen Cass Carrigan apologize for anything,” she said quietly.
“You wanted this place to be perfect, and it’s not,” Levi said. “It’s not my fault that it’s more complicated than you chose to remember.”
“I’m going to take a Lyft home,” Hannah said sadly. “So glad you decided the best way to win me back was to try to destroy the memories of the person I loved most. Enjoy the rest of your meal. Please give my compliments to the chef.”
“I wasn’t going to tell you!” Levi called after her. “You asked me!”
This Shenanigan fucking sucked.
Chapter 8
Hannah
When she got back to Carrigan’s, she was still shaking with anger, her entire body a torch that had been soaked in gasoline and had finally lit. But now that it was burning, she didn’t know how to put it out.
