AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“It’s super convenient that you got to do all the sowing of wild oats you ever wanted and can now return to say it was me you wanted all along. You get everything you ever wanted, without any consequences.” She looked up into his eyes, defying him to tell her what she already knew, that this too was unfair.
“I mean, living for four years wondering every day if I’d ever see the love of my life again is a consequence.”
Oh.She hadn’t thought of it that way.
He rested his forehead on hers. She let him. “Besides, you got everything you ever wanted. You got Carrigan’s. What the hell is wrong with getting everything you ever wanted??”
She sighed, letting her body lean against his, taking comfort from his familiar warmth. She was doing a terrible job of being friends.
“How can we be everything to each other and know each other so little?” she asked, as much to herself as to him. “How can we know every breath the other has ever taken and still not be able to communicate?”
He kissed her forehead. “I have been asking myself that question for four years, babe. But I have an idea.”
“Is it a terrible Levi Blue idea? Are there Shenanigans? Because I don’t think that’s going to solve our problems.”
“You undervalue Shenanigans, but no.” He took a deep breath, and their heartbeats synced. “For six years, whenever we got scared and our feelings felt too raw to talk about them, we either fought or fucked to try to get at the truth without having to actually sit down and be uncomfortable. I think we should agree to stop yelling at each other and try…talking.”
All the wind was knocked out of Hannah. This was what she’d wanted, to find some way they could be at peace together, but she’d never expected him to put down his boxing gloves. How did he keep surprising her?
“Yes. You were the most important person in my life once, and no matter what happened or is going to happen, even if we’re never an us again, I don’t want to keep being unkind. I don’t want to be on offense, or defense.”
He smiled against her hair. “Hannah, I hate to tell you this, but I don’t think there’s any version of this world where there’s no such thing as an ‘us,’ even if we’re not together. We could be apart for fifty years, and on our deathbeds we would miss each other. That’s just the story we’re in. I know you hate it.”
“I don’t hate it, Blue. It scares me,” she said into his chest. She wished she hated it. It would be easier if she hated it, if it didn’t call to her like a siren song.
“I do have one condition,” she said.
“Name it.”
“We have to stop hooking up. If our defaults are fighting or fucking, we need to stop doing both.”
He laughed. “Yeah, we do. It’s really messing with my head.”
“Speaking of hooking up…”She pushed away from him so she could see his face. “Do you want to explain this whole ‘I don’t feel sexual attraction for other people’ thing?”
Levi surveyed the kitchen. “Do we have time for this talk?”
“For this, we’ll make time.”
“Come over to the porch swing and let me tell you about demisexuality.” He threw an arm over her shoulder.
“I know what demisexuality is, Blue. I have two gay best friends and a Tumblr.”
Chapter 9
Levi
You like sex,” Hannah said as they settled on the porch swing. “We’ve had a lot of it in the past decade. Some in the past hour, which I thought was great?”
She sounded so worried.
“It was! Better than great.” He laughed a little. “Life-changing wouldn’t be incorrect. I do like sex. With you. A lot.” Levi held her eyes and pushed a stray hair back into her braid. “At no point have I ever been less than a very willing participant in our sex life. Way up on my favorite things list. I have zero interest in having sex with anyone else. I might if I fell in love with them. I’ve always been in love with you, so I don’t know for sure.”
“You’re aware that you’re allowed to fall in love with multiple people in a lifetime, right?” Hannah raised an eyebrow at him.
“I’m aware that is an experience many people have,” Levi conceded, nodding. “It hasn’t been true for me yet, but the next twenty years may bring things that the past twenty have not.”
“I thought there was nothing new to learn about you.” She laughed a little surprised laugh. “How did you figure it out?”
