AllFreeNovel
Share Us
This.
This was where he was always supposed to end up.
They tripped down to Advent, to the tiny courthouse to get a license from the judge right as she was trying to lock up early and take a Friday afternoon nap. They stumbled, love drunk and giggling, into Ernie’s as she was getting ready for the Friday night tourist crowds, and she married them in the kitchen in the back, saying if they split up, she didn’t want them to curse any of the booths. They slipped into their room quietly, their laughs smothered in each other’s hair, and made love in a conflagration, a slow desperation to show each other that this was it forever, that they were each all in.
Later, in the firelight, Blue sat up in bed, his knees tucked up under his chin.
He was watching his wife sleep, the waterfall of her golden hair encroaching on his pillow, reminding him of Strega Nona’s pasta pot. On the table next to her was her bullet journal, filled with sketches and notes for when Hannah officially took over guest management and Blue took over the kitchen. It was a smart plan, one that would potentially put Carrigan’s Christmasland on the map as a culinary destination.
It was an impossible plan.
Even if he could stay here, even if he could breathe inside these walls, Cass would never let him take over. Carrigan’s was her baby, and she had hand-chosen Hannah as the heir. She could barely acknowledge Blue was in a room, and since they’d gotten together, she told him once a month to leave and give Hannah a chance at a real life.
He had to get out of here.
He had to convince Hannah to go with him.
Chapter 19
Levi
The Davenport reception was a lot. A lot of money, a lot of food made from outrageously expensive ingredients, a lot of famous people. Levi expected to mostly hide in the kitchen, but after dinner service, Delilah had come and dragged him out to show him off.
The finale ofAustralia’s Next Star Chefwas about to air, and he was in the top three. Everyone wanted to know if he was going to take home the trophy.
He was tired, hot, frustrated from trying to run a huge event out of a kitchen that desperately needed upgrading and wasn’t up to this kind of volume, even though they’d set up a catering tent outside the back kitchen door to accommodate it. Consequently, he mostly stood around with his arms crossed over his chef’s whites, scowling at people. People loved this (yet more “culinary bad boy” stereotypes to overcome, yay), which made him even grouchier.
The saving grace of the event was Delilah herself, who was charming, funny, and bursting with happiness. He watched her greet every new loved one with apparently genuine joy, overflowing with pleasure at being able to share her love with so many other people she loved. He might kind of hate all the guests, but he really liked the bride, and all of these people were going to bring Carrigan’s business.
That was his job right now. Send out a great meal and make Hannah’s life easier by making Carrigan’s All Year a successful event destination.
Hannah, who’d organized all of this with beautiful, terrifying efficiency. Hannah, who was multitasking so fast he thought she was going to start levitating from the speed of her movement, a hummingbird goddess. Hannah, whose voice, calmly, meticulously issuing orders in his ear all day, was exhilarating and fascinating and strangely sexy. Hannah, who he’d loved since the day he was born and who had transformed into this woman so brilliant it was hard to look directly at her, and from whom he couldn’t turn away.
Delilah’s maid of honor gave a toast and talked about how in college, Delilah had been dating a guy off and on that none of her friends liked, because every breakup was a big, dramatic event that left Delilah emotionally devastated. Then she’d met the groom and realized love didn’t always have to be painful and turn you inside out, that you could love someone who was easy to be around, who brought you peace.
It was a beautiful speech, and it made Levi want to go hide and cry. Was he that person standing in the way of a love that brought Hannah peace?
He tried to imagine either of them falling for someone else, really falling, the way Delilah had obviously done, and all the work that would take, how much untangling it would require to be ready for someone new. Hannah had said that taking out the parts of her that loved him would leave her Swiss cheese, and he trusted her to know her own heart, but he still worried.
Because worrying that no one could love him was the well-worn record always playing in the back of his mind when he was trying to sabotage something good, a little voice in his head whispered. When he actually listened to his gut instead of his asshole head, he believed they were building something entirely new and healthy out of the materials of their past.
A new house from reclaimed brick. An upcycled antique, a Miriam Blum piece. Strange and held together by glitter glue, but beautiful.
In the inside pocket of his coat, his phone was buzzing. He ignored it. It was his agent, trying to get him to Manhattan ASAP. Levi had already told him twice today that he would call back later. His life away from Carrigan’s, the life he had burned down his marriage in desperation to get to, was waiting right outside the gates for him to pick up again.
He would have to call back. Soon, because he did actually want to sign a contract for a full season of his show. He just had no idea how they were going to navigate fostering this new, delicate relationship if he had to be in Manhattan. Yes, it was a train ride away, but it put them apart after they had just now found each other again.
He knew he didn’t want to stay at Carrigan’s—the wallpaper and ghosts still made him itchy—but he wanted Hannah, all the time. He wanted to smell her and hear her and taste her. He was starving to hear every thought she had, about everything. He had spent thirty-two years knowing everything happening in Hannah Rosenstein’s head, and he’d been cut off cold turkey, and now a little taste made him want everything again, right away.
With no interruptions, even if the interruption was his own TV show.
He wanted to bring Jewish diasporic cuisine to the world, wanted to get paid to talk to people about what he was most passionate about. Hell, to be honest, he liked being a little famous. It made him feel like he’d finally shown everyone who didn’t like the full Levi Blue that they could go fuck themselves. Which was probably not the healthiest reason to start a career, but queer spite had taken a lot of people a long way, and he was not above admitting he was driven by it a little.
He also really wanted to hang out with his parents more, because he wanted to build a better friendship with them as an adult. Which he could do from Manhattan, he supposed, but in Manhattan he couldn’t stop by to have coffee with his mom on the porch in the mornings or help his dad with projects that needed extra hands, at the spur of the moment.
And he wanted to be more available so Esther didn’t feel like she needed to be as tied to New York.
Cole popped up beside him, dressed as a waiter and bouncing on his toes. It was alarming—no one that hulking should have that much energy.
