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When I hear footsteps out in the hallway, my gaze snaps up, and in walks Cameron Michaels. He takes off his hat and gloves and sets them on the entryway table. He was probably out chopping wood again. Turning, he finds me staring at him, and he takes a deep breath before walking forward. His stare takes me in, but it seems guarded. He shoves his hands into his pockets. “So, what time are you leaving?”
I blink at him, and my heart sinks. “Leaving?”
He shrugs. “School. TA. Your mom.”
My fingers flex at my sides. “Right. And you’ve got your cook back.”
He swallows, mostly staring down at his feet. “Yeah, she showed up this morning. Her husband is feeling much better.”
“Well, that’s great,” I tell him, trying to be happy, even though that’s the last thing I feel. I don’t even really like to cook, but it was just being here. Hell, who am I kidding? It was being herewith him.It was experiencing all of thiswith him.
He clears his throat. “We said this was just a thing. A small, short thing.” It’s as if he can’t even bring himself to say the words.Thingdoesn’t encompass what we did. We were supposed to be two people who just liked to fuck one another, but it turned into so much more. And he knows it. At least, I thought he did.
Maybe this is his way of letting me know he’s done. He had his fun. The kissing didn’t actually mean anything. Nor did the fact that he took me to town without reservation. The present… It was all just him playing at I don’t know what.
“Right. That’s what we said.” I wait for him to say something else. Anything else. But the longer he takes, the more distance it puts between us. I don’t even know what I expected. He told me what this was from the start, and it’s not like I don’t have to go home. “That’s it, then?” I ask, and I kind of hate myself for trying to beg him to saysomething.AnI’ll miss you. AnI had fun,might help this sting a little less.
“Yeah,” he says, and his voice cuts out. He clears his throat. “Yeah, I think so.”
twenty-one
Mom pushesplay on the movie. Since we didn’t get to watch White Christmas together this year, she’d thought we’d do it, even if it is five days post-Christmas and I really don’t have any Christmas spirit left in me. I left that back with Cam.
I sip the hot chocolate she made me. Marshmallows dot the top, but it doesn’t have Kahlua, so it’s automatically inferior.
“Your Grandma loved this movie,” Mom muses.
I turn toward her. “Really? You never told me that.”
She shrugs then pulls the lap blanket she has stretched over her up. “Well, I didn’t talk about her much, did I?”
“No,” I say, and I’m pretty sure it comes out with too much attitude because she peeks over at me with her brows raised. “You would’ve really liked it there, Mom,” I tell her, thinking about the inn. I swear I haven’t stopped thinking about the inn. I understand why Grandma Junie wanted to share it with us. Why she sent the pictures and the letters. “It was like a movie.” Of course, my time spent with Cameron Michaels flick by too, but that’s more like an X-rated television show. I can’t think of the inn without thinking of him though.
“I wish the flights hadn’t been canceled.”
“You should really go,” I urge her. “And Cameron… Uncle Cameron. You’ll like him.”
She blows out a breath. I can tell that she still wrestles with my grandmother’s decisions even though she forgave her. However, my mom wasn’t exactly trying for all those years either. She broke ties with her completely. “I’m going to go,” she insists. “I will. I just wish we hadn’t decided to go over Christmas because now I completely missed spending Christmas with you, and you have to go back to school soon.”
I reach over, and she puts her hand in mine, squeezing it. “I know.” I wrestle with what to say, but I swear if I don’t actually push her to go, she won’t. She’ll just keep coming up with excuses. “Uncle Cameron lost everything, you know. His career, his dad, then Grandma. I think you might be the only family he has left, and I missed you and Dad, but I’m also glad I was there with him. I doubt he would’ve spent Christmas with anybody special otherwise.”
She frowns. “That is a terrible way to spend a holiday.”
My stomach clenches. I wonder what he’s doing right now. If he’s thinking about me like I’m thinking about him. Maybe he was able to go back to his normal life. A fling with a young girl that he could just forget. However, it’s not as if he can forget me either. We are kind of related. “I got the feeling that Grandma did a lot for him. I bet you would enjoy talking to him about things. Did you know Grandma kept your baby ornament? I hung it on the tree myself.”
Mom’s lip quivers. In the background, Bing Crosby sings “White Christmas.” “I know I’m being judgmental,” she relents. “The heart wants what it wants, but she just left Dad behind.” She sighs. “I forgive her. I do.”
“You should,” I tell her. “You made her accountable for a very long time but look at what you missed out on.”
She squeezes my hand again and gives me a watery smile. “I know. It’s just hard for me to think that maybe Dad wasn’t the one for Mom because they had me. Why wouldn’t it be Dad?” She shakes her head. “I guess you never know about love. It’s strange and works in weird ways. You’ll find out someday.”
I turn toward the screen as a sharp pain hits my chest. I miss Cam. I even miss the grumpy and surly parts of him. I miss the way he’d call me smart mouth even though I secretly think he’d grown to love it.
The heart wants what it wants…
Suddenly, I think I know exactly how Grandma felt when she left Grandpa. Too bad my story won’t end the same way.
The man I’ll be comparing every other man to doesn’t see me like that, or I’d be faced with a very difficult decision.
