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“Imagine being such a sucker for attention that you make up lies like that. Some girls really go through it, Jade. You’re fucked in the head.”
But he did it.
I remember his hand grabbing my breast from behind me. The confusion. I could see his face through the mirror. The water was still running.
I remember the fear of asking what he was doing. I just…froze. I should have asked. I should have screamed.
Maybe, then,maybesomeone would have come running. Elliot or Ethan.
It wasn’t even violent.
That’s the worst of it all. He was disgustingly soft when he pressed my cheek against the mirror.
He was silent.
I was silent.
Why was I so silent?
Something chokes me. A sob.
No. No. No.
“Oh my god,” Lea cackles. “She’s crying.”
I shake my head, but I’m a prisoner to my thoughts. So. Fucking. Silent.
Did I let it happen? Is that why I’m being punished? Because I let him do it?
He didn’t rip off my clothes. He didn’t call me names and hiss for me to keep my mouth shut.
He just slipped his hand under my skirt, pulled down my underwear.
“Why are you crying, bitch? You’re the traitor who stole from us and dares show up here again. You should be keeping your head down and your eyes to the floor.” That’s Andrew.
“You’re so fucking pathetic,” Vickie mocks.
But their words don’t reach me anymore.
And when they let my arms go to beat me up some more, I don’t really feel it either. I’m curled into a ball on the ground, but the pain doesn’t register.
Because nothing will ever hurt more than Joel Pearson pushing his fingers inside me.
Tears fall today when they didn’t that day.
I was just watching my breath fog against the bathroom window, my hands gripping the sink. Silent. Motionless.
He only stopped because his wife called for him somewhere in the house.
He brushed some curls away from my sweaty face. He flattened them against my head.
You’re okay, he murmured.
That’s the only moment I whimpered. Because I wasnotokay.
So he said it again.You’re okay.
This stays between us, huh? It’s better for you, Jade. You’re not pretty. I don’t want people to hurt you when they don’t believe you.
