AllFreeNovel
Share Us
ETHAN
All I want - Kodaline
Elliot’s arm is around my shoulders and mine around his back. I’m not sure if I’m supporting him or he’s supporting me.
My throat is so tight, I can’t breathe. I can’t talk. I can barely keep my eyes on the coffin lowering into the ground.
I look up at the blue sky.
The sun is shining down on her, like she wanted to be with us today. She’s always hated the winter, and I’m grateful the rain stopped for a few hours.
Just while we lay her down to rest.
Tears threaten to fall off my eyelids, and I keep my head back, hoping they just stay there.
I’m not ashamed to cry. Fuck, I could fall to my knees, hold her casket. I could lie down in the dirt next to her and be buried with her, and still I wouldn’t fucking care what anyone thinks of me.
But I know that’s not what she would have wanted. She would have wanted me to smile through the tears. To think of all the beautiful moments we shared together.
All those times she told me that I wasn’t weird, I was just me.
All the times she held my hand, kissed my cheek, and told me I was justspecial.
She made me smile and laugh.
But most importantly, she made life bearable. And that’s all I could have ever asked for.
The priest finishes his prayer, handing her soul over to God, and I sign the cross. So does Elliot.
I take a shaky breath, blinking as I look down. They’ve started covering her casket already.
“I’m not ready,” I rasp. I hold back a sob, but the tears fall. “This doesn’t feel real.”
“I know, brother.” He holds me closer. “I know.”
“Fuck.” And that sob finally escapes, ripping through my chest. “I’m not ready, Elliot.”
My knees buckle at the next hit of dirt against her casket. But Elliot holds me up.
Like he always has, he keeps me up. He takes care of us. He picks up the pieces and puts them back together, no matter how small or jagged they are.
Elliot might do things his own way, but even the tiniest shard will be put back in place when he’s done.
And I know I can trust him with my life.
I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my suit. “I want to be with her.”
Elliot nods. “I know.”
I force oxygen through my lungs, my nostrils flaring as I realize this is it.
It’s over. She’s gone forever and there’s nothing we can do about it.
So the tears stop, and I let my brother pull me away.
No one else is here but Kay.
She had no one else but us.
