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"I am still on leave, but…" I step inside, shutting the door behind me. "I wanted to discuss Agent Wright. He's been behaving strangely ever since the op ended. Showing up at my apartment, insisting on being involved in any protection detail for me."
Bell's mouth twists. "You compromised a vital undercover operation. Your judgment is highly questionable right now, Miller, so I'm going to need a little more than Wright showing concern for you before I pull him in for hard questions."
I try a different tack. "With all due respect, sir, my actions have nothing to do with the improper conduct of another agent."
Bell snorts. "Improper conduct? I wonder if you include your cavorting with Alessa de Luca during the operation asimproper conduct." His mouth thins. "Miller, you're very quick to throw stones. I'd advise you to get your own glass house in order before questioning your colleagues."
I feel my professional composure cracking, and I'm afraid. Afraid that he might know that Alessa and I are still in contact. In contact and…
I don't dare push back any further. Not right now.
Not when things are so precarious with Elena Martinez.
"Understood, sir," I say at last.
He waves a hand in dismissal. "Then if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."
Fists clenched tight, I slip back out, hoping like hell I don't run into Wright while I'm here. Because there's one more visit I have to make.
* * *
I push open the door to Dr. Kris Hays' office. There's a chill in here, one that has nothing to do with the temperature. It feels clinical, alien, and I can't help but think that every piece of minimalist furniture is judging me, sizing me up. My fingers twitch at my side, longing for the comforting weight of my gun. If I'd had it last night when Alessa and I were shot at…
Well, perhaps it's a good thing I didn't.
Hays, seated behind her desk, looks up with a smile that's too practiced to be genuine. "Good morning, Natalie. Please, take a seat. How have you been since our last session?"
I force a smile, settling into the chair that feels more like a witness stand. "Can't complain."
She doesn't miss a beat, jotting something down on her notepad. "Well, let's try that again, shall we? How have you been?"
I take a slow breath before responding. "Things have been going well overall. Nothing out of the ordinary."
Dr. Hays regards me steadily, her piercing blue eyes seeming to see right through my neutral tone. "I'm glad to hear that, because I have heard some concerning rumors circulating among agents lately."
My pulse quickens at the implication, but I keep my expression carefully blank. "Rumors come and go around here. I wouldn't put too much stock in idle office chatter."
"Perhaps not," she concedes. "But these particular rumors pertain to you and a certain figure we've had under surveillance."
I meet her gaze unflinchingly, willing my face not to flush.
She sighs. "Alright. Tell me about your feelings regarding undercover work."
"My…feelings?"
"Yes. Do you like it, for example?"
I sink back in the chair, feeling its rigid structure against my back. "It's a constant balancing act," I admit. "Living a lie, remembering who I'm supposed to be at any given moment."
"And how do you think this has affected your sense of self? Your moral compass?"
I pause, considering her question. "It's like walking a tightrope. Every day, I'm Natalie the FBI agent, and then I'm someone else entirely. It's...disorienting."
"And how did that affect your work during the operation with de Luca?"
I shrug, trying to seem nonchalant. "It's part of the job. You know how it is."
Her eyes, sharp and assessing, don't waver. "Yes, I do. But it's essential to discuss how these factors might be impacting you personally, Miller."
