Page 106 of Ghoul as a Cucumber


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“I curse you that the butter for your toast be forever cold and unspreadable, and the chocolate chips in your biscuits be always raisins!”

“That’s harsh,” Ambrose chews happily. “But also fair. May I have another caramel?”

“Who’s he talking to? And did the air just get warmer?” Alice glances all around.

“That’s the ghosts. They can alter the temperature. Sometimes they make things cold, sometimes warm. It depends on their mood.”

Edward steps forward, taking up his poetic pose. “The living maiden, her eyes wide with awe. Listens to my verses from centuries raw. Invisible fingers pluck a spectral lyre. As this ghostly poet stokes her artistic fire.”

“Who said that?” Alice whirls around. “Some nonsense about a lyre.”

“That’s Edward,” I say. “He’s my third boyfriend. He’s a ghost.”

“Your boyfriend is a—”

“Ghost. And Pax and Ambrose were, too. They were also at Kelly’s house. Now they’re ex-ghosts. It turns out that as well as having the power to see and talk to spirits, I can also resurrect them if conditions are ideal. But it comes at a price. Namely, demons come after you, which is what happened today.”

“A demon…came after you?”

“Technically no. The demon was after Father Maxwell. But let’s not split hairs.”

I sit down on the bench, making sure to move the cream bun to the end for the ghosts to sniff, and explain everything to Alice about being a Lazarus and seeing spirits and ghost rules. Well, almost everything. I leave out the bit about Father Bryne coming after me and killing him and hiding his body. I trust Alice…but not that much.

“You knew about this?” Alice shoots a look at Dani, who nods. “You might have told me we were hanging out with a real-life ghost whisperer.”

“It’s not my secret to tell. Besides, it’s not as if Bree talking to ghosts is a secret. You’ve known about it since primary school.”

“Yes, but I didn’t think it was real. I just thought she was odd or faking it for attention, so that you’d stay her friend.”

“Iamodd.” I grin. “And it’s all real. Including the demon. Which is a big problem. Because while we managed to send that particular one back to hell, more might be coming.”

“And Vera’s death? Was that supernatural, too?”

I nod sadly. “I’ve got a lot of work to do. I can’t let this happen again. But we’re going to need to figure out what to tell the village, because I won’t do much good if I’m locked away in an insane asylum.”

“I can help with that,” Alice says. “I write articles sometimes for theGrimdale Gazette. I can write a piece explaining that it was a weather phenomenon. Or a gas leak – people seem particularly fond of that one. The villagers believe everything they read in the paper, so that should at least stop everyone in the village from panicking that it’s the second coming.”

I nod. “That would help. Thank you. Thank you for everything.”

“Just let me make sure my dad gets home okay, and then we should brainstorm.” Alice stands up. “Me and Dani and you, and all your ghosts and ex-ghosts and ghouls and other supernatural goolies, okay?”

“Okay.” I place my hand in hers and give it a squeeze. “Pub?”

42

Ambrose

The six of us (plus a lion and a duck) spend the afternoon jammed into a booth in the corner of the Cackling Goat. Bree shows Alice a bunch of images from Vera’s books on her mobile phone and they identify one that looks like the demon who came for us today. I nurse something called a Tequila Sunrise that does succeed in making me feel a little sunnier. Dani makes Bree swear that she won’t use her powers any longer and Bree agrees, but I know that she’s not being truthful.

Because Edward is still a ghost.

And I know we’re close to figuring out his unfinished business. But resurrecting Edward won’t bring a demon, I’m certain of it. Bree hasn’t been doing this as long as Father Maxwell. The Veil around her can’t be as thin.

We’re okay. It’s all going to be okay.

I try to tell myself this, but I can’t shake the feeling of unease that settles in my stomach.

It doesn’t help that all around us, the villagers are in an uproar over the festival. Alice has already started spreading the word that it was a faulty gas main, but of course some people don’t believe it. After all, gas leaks don’t tend to tear people apart with horns or whisper demonic words on the breeze.

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