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“Who’s that?” Edward snaps. “It better not be Ozzy deciding to learn the drums.”
“SQUEAK!”
BANG-BANG-BANG.
“I swear, bat,” Edward waves his fist in the air, “if I had corporeal limbs and magical powers, I’d curse you to forever be forced to hang out with actors, and that you will often walk into a room where everyone is laughing, but no one will tell you why. Oh, and may you forever sign up for annoying moving picture subscription services that are impossible to cancel—”
His empty threats cease as a familiar voice echoes through the house.
“Yooohooo, Bree darling. We’re ho-ome!”
10
Bree
“Mum?”
I close my eyes. This can’t be happening. Not now. Not when I have a missing B&B guest and Istillhaven’t mopped up the bloodstain on the floor.
And Ambrose…
I glance over at him. He’s frozen in place, his joy at becoming human turning to terror. He reaches out with a shaking hand to me. “Your parents,” he whispers.
I stagger back, accidentally crushing Benjamin Bunny beneath my boot.
“I get to meet Bree’s parents!” Pax jumps up and down, causing all the furniture to shake.
Oh no, oh no no no no no…
Panic sinks in as I realize that my parents are home and I have two recently Alived ghosts who have no idea how to act in the modern world, let alone in front of myparents. At least Ambrose has perfect, if somewhat old-fashioned, manners. But Pax…
“No, wait—”
But there’s no stopping my excitable Roman, who skips out the door, leather sandals slapping against his feet.
Edward looks at me with something like pity. “You probably should stop him before he challenges your father to an arm-wrestling match.”
“Thanks for that, Captain Obvious.”
I race after Pax, but then I hear a crash behind me, followed by a sad, “Oops, drat and botherations. I hope that wasn’t Sylvie’s favourite figurine.” Great. I forgot that Ambrose can’t exactly walk through objects he can’t see anymore. I race back, grab his arm, and yank him after me while he frantically swings his stick around his ankles in an attempt to quickly build a map of his surroundings.
I’m too late. Before I’ve reached the landing, I can hear Pax’s voice booming through the entrance hall.
“Mike! Sylvie! I am Pax, Bree’s boyfriend. I see the gods have blessed your journey. Did you march for many days? Did you visit Rome? Did you happen to hear anything about soldiers being back paid for their duties—”
“Mum, Dad!” I yell, hoping to cut Pax off. I race down the stairs, dragging Ambrose behind me. “You’re home.Whyare you home?”
Mum and Dad exchange a look. They’re still standing in the doorway, with Pax’s bulk blocking their entry to the house. Mum’s wearing long shorts and a white t-shirt with ‘I HEART PARIS’ on it, and a travel pillow is still nestled around her neck. Dad’s wearing his favourite Who concert t-shirt and an expression of utter bewilderment, his hand clutched against his chest in that way he does now with his Parkinson’s.
“Why, Bree-bug, we’re so happy to see you, too,” Dad says cheerfully.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I just didn’t expect you home for a few more weeks.” (AfterI’d figured out my life and made sure Jack the Ripper wasn’t going to return for a murderous rampage.)
“Oh, well, with all the murders and mayhem in Grimdale, we wanted to make sure that you were all right,” Mum gushes as she surges forward and plops her suitcase down right on top of the bloodstain. “Besides, we had to get your father back in time for the Giant Vegetable Festival. They had to move the date up a few weeks because the raspberry harvest came early this year.”
“Thewhat?”
I’m trying to process this.
