Page 37 of Ghoul as a Cucumber


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Right, Bree, good save. They don’t think you’re at all strange.

I hurry along the tree line. As soon as the couple turn back to feeding each other Scotch eggs, I start waving again. “Agnes, Lottie, Mary, over here…”

Finally, Mary notices me. She floats away from the picnic, hands on her hips. “What is it, Bree? I’m a little busy at the moment. Oooh, are those cucumber sandwiches…”

She whirls around and starts floating back again.

“Please, come back!”

“Hey lady, can I help you?” The bad-kisser looks like he’s ready to call the police.

“Don’t mind me,” I fake-laugh, pulling twigs out of my hair as my heart hammers against my chest. “I’m just…er, looking for my lost puppy. Have you seen her? She’s a white Pomeranian. Please come back little Ghostie, please?”

Finally, the three witches seem to get the idea. Mary sighs dramatically, Lottie pulls her head out of the picnic basket, and Agnes stops trying to yell into the woman’s ear that she can do better. The three ghosts follow me deeper into the trees. I take a seat on a fallen log, hoping that we’re far enough from the walking trail that no one will overhear me.

“I hope you have a very good reason for taking me away from the picnic,” Mary says, rubbing her stomach. “And it better involve cupcakes.”

I whip out the white bakery package I’d been hiding behind my back. “Your favourite – Maggie’s red velvet with the butterscotch icing.”

I open the lid and Lottie and Mary bury their heads inside, inhaling deeply. But Agnes narrows her eyes at me. “What do you want?”

“Excuse me?”

“You’ve never been nice to us or brought us cupcakes for no reason before. You want something.”

“I’m always nice to you!”

Agnes narrows her eyes. I gulp. Agnes has what I refer to as Big Scary Horror Movie Ghost Who Will Tear Your Soul Out Through Your Nostril energy.

“Okay, okay, you got me. The cupcakes are a bribe.”

“I’m amenable to bribes.” Mary dives for the box, but I snap the lid shut.

“Hey!”

“Here’s the thing.” I set the box on the log next to me and wring my hands. “I’ve managed to bring both Pax and Ambrose back to life, and I even did it to Paxtwice. I have a name for what I am now – a Lazarus. I know that I have resurrection magic, and I…I see things. I see silver cords stretching from people – both the Living and ghosts. They wind and tangle through the air around me, but I only see them sometimes. But I don’t really know what I’m doing with the cords or how to control my powers, and that makes me afraid. I don’t want to be afraid of this power. I want to learn how to control it. Will you…teach me how to use my magic?”

The three witches stare back at me,

“Howdareyou ask such a thing?” Mary snaps, her eyes glazing over.

“We werekilledbecause people accused us of being witches,” Lottie huffs, her hands on her hips. “And all we’re trying to do is enjoy our afterlife when you have to come around here using the ‘w’ word and putting us off our picnic.”

“Millions of innocent women were killed because people like you spread misinformation about witches. And you call yourself a feminist,” Agnes sniffs.

I really wish I hadn’t taught her that word.

My stomach twists. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

The three witches look at each other.

They burst out laughing.

Sigh. Witches.

“You should have seen your face!” Lottie gasps between giggles.

“You were redder than a red velvet cake,” Mary chortles.

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