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“What’s got you so tense?”
“Nothing. I just want to be alone. You didn’t even call.”
“I didn’t think I needed to.” She closed the space between them and wrapped her arms around his chiseled shoulders. He was tense, Cammie thought. She lovingly kissed Noah’s cheek and hugged him for as long as she could. She had missed him so much and only wanted to be close to him. But Noah could not be moved inside. He did not return her affection; he rarely ever did.
“Why won’t you hug me back?” She withdrew, staring into his icy eyes.
“We both know what will happen if I do.”
“It’s just a hug.”
“And then a kiss, and then a caress, and the next thing you know, I’ve got you under me with your clothes off.”
“So?” Cammie flashed a pearly white smile. “Why resist something we both want?”
He rolled his eyes and stepped back. “Do I really need to go through this again with you?”
“Noah, I care about you. Why do you get mad at me for expressing it?”
“Because I don’t need or want you to care about me. We had agreed to be friends with benefits, remember? But clearly that’s failed because you keep getting your feelings involved. I’m not on the same page as you, and I’m tired of looking like the asshole every time I can’t give you what you want. You have these impossible expectations from me—expectations I can never fulfill. Do you understand?”
“Can’t you just try?” She sulked. “Are you even aware of the things you say when we make love? You’re so sweet to me, and—”
“We don’t make love. We hook up. And I’mhigh as fuckthe entire time! I say a lot of bullshit when I’m doped up. You already know that.”
Cammie tried to reason with him, dismissing her shattered feelings. “I know you have demons inside,” she said. “We all do. But I can’t just forget about everything you and I have shared. We’re like magnets, Noah—and magnets attract.” She held his icy hands, hoping that the warmth in her voice would melt his frozen heart. But it didn’t.
“Everything with you is always so intense,” Cammie confessed. “We’re both the same, you and me. The only difference is that I’m an emotionally developed version of you, while you remain an empty shell.”
“You say it like it’s a choice.”
“It is, Noah.”
Feeling triggered, he glared at her and said, “Get out, Cammie.”
“Truth hurts, but you need to hear it.”
“I said,get out.”
“Stop pushing me away. I know there’s a good man inside of you. I don’t know what happened in your past to make you this way. I wish you would tell me and let me in.”
He hung his head down and said nothing.
Hoping to get through, she touched his face and tenderly kissed his neck, then his jaw, the corner of his mouth until he finally kissed her back.
“You know you want this,” Cammie murmured. “You know you want me.”
Noah kissed her hard, and within seconds they ended up in his bedroom, snorting cocaine and engaging in mind blowing sex. He took her in his favorite positions till he was out of condoms.
After a couple of hours, the drugged-up lovers lay in bed together, sleeping off the rest of their high. Cammie enveloped herself around him, feeling elated to have her fix. He was her worst addiction. He was her undoing.
??
Around three in the morning, Cammie opened her eyes. She was happy to find Noah beside her, which meant that last night had not been a dream. Kissing his chest, she hugged his warm body and was careful not to wake him as she traced his phoenix tattoo and wondered about its significance. The first time Cammie had asked him about it, Noah had said the name belonged to someone he loves a lot; someone who was no longer part of his life. Even though it hurt to think he was hung up on someone else, his tattoo proved he could love. What she didn’t know was that the name on Noah’s chest belonged to his daughter, and that he had tried several times to get shared custody of her but failed because he struggled to get clean.
Despite his destructive habits, Cammie was only a social drug user. She wasn’t addicted and stayed away from syringes. But whenever she and Noah were in the same room together, she was up for anything—and sadly, enabled his drug habit, too. He was addicted to cocaine, and Cammie was addicted to him.
“Noah, baby… wake up.” She caressed his face. “You still have that paper you need to finish.”
