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“Raising your biological children differs from raising someone else’s,” Rob would often say. That’s why he was against adoption.
His raspy voice echoed in Natalie’s mind as she glanced at her daughter’s mirrored vanity and started crying. Aria had written quotes all over the glass in black marker:
Embrace who you are.
Love yourself.
You are worth it.
Once you hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up.
I would rather suffer trying than to never put an ounce of effort, and suffer regretting the rest of my life.
The quotes were all positive affirmations. Grabbing a tissue, Natalie wiped her face. She realized right then that she should have been the one to tell her daughter these things every day. Somehow, Aria always persevered to stay strong no matter how horrible things had got at home. Wherever her daughter went, sunshine seemed to follow.
A black sketchbook was resting on Aria’s night table; Natalie opened it in curiosity, as a wistful smile appeared on her tired face. There were hand drawn portraits of people her daughter had sketched: her grandparents, the twins, and celebrities. She had never taken art classes outside of school, but Aria was naturally gifted. Leafing through the pages, a loose piece of paper fell out on her lap. It had originally been scrunched up (since the paper was all wrinkled). Carefully, she straightened the folded edges and started reading.
Sometimes I feel so alone.
Quiet, empty, nothing left inside of me.
Nothing to give. Nothing to take.
I would cry if I had enough tears inside of me,
But I don’t.
This life is a dry desert.
Endless walks through scorching sands that lead you nowhere… no place…
Only to find the world freezing over.
And once again, you’re abandoned, alone, and frozen.
Incapable of dying, always awake,
Just to see the world desecrate
All your hopes and dreams.
Don’t ask me to blind my eyes.
Don’t make me believe in these lies
That suffocates me and burns my heart.
I wish I could tear this world apart.
Limb by limb like the Devil at war.
Until there is nothing.
Until it’s no more.
Nothing left to salvage, no hope, no dreams…
Take a walk in my forest
