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“Okay . . .”
“And it works the other way as well. For so many years, society has lumped all omegas into one category and assumed they all wanted and needed the same thing, and I was just as guilty of it. The structure, the discipline, Lyricdoesneed it because he’s my fated and he’s perfect for me. He craves it. But despite the laws and what society kept saying, not every omega needs that to the same degree, and I’d probably not have considered that a year ago. They crave it to a certain extent, yes, but Jett, as an example, desires a little more . . . independence for lack of a better word. But do you know what he needs and craves at a level that Lyric would never withstand? Pain.”
Nothing was making sense. Omegas tolerated pain, sure, but because their alpha demanded it of them. Lennon’s reaction made that very clear. Orion’s words didn’t match up with everything I ever learned or believed.
“Listen, the way you ended things with Jett was wrong, but not what you did with him. Not fundamentally anyway.”
“I . . . I honestly don’t know what to say.”
Orion shrugged. “You don’t have to say anything. I didn’t come in here to make things more difficult for you or try to force you to be with my brother. You have your reasons and I respect that. I was just coming to tell you that you needed to get your shit together in the office or leave.”
I swallowed, feeling chastised, confused, and like a small child. Everything had changed in such a short time . . . all because of Jett.
“I will. I apologize for my behavior. I need some time to think and process but I won’t let it affect my job anymore. And I’ll find the beta and apologize to him.”
“Thank you.” Orion moved to stand. “I’ll leave you to it then.” He paused, a strange glint in his eyes.
“Oh, there was one other thing. Gideon Frost proposed a marriage contract for Jett. Jett agreed to think about it. They have been having supervised visits this past week or so. He hasn’t made a decision yet, but there’s a really good chance he’ll agree to the contract. They’re not in love, but Gideon is a good man and alpha and he’ll take care of him. If Jett agrees, I will approve it and the engagement will be announced at the Christmas Eve dinner.”
Orion left as if he hadn’t knocked my entire world off its axis twice in a 10-minute conversation, leaving me alone with my spiraling thoughts and itching even more to open that damn drawer.
CHAPTER15
Emerson
I was halfwaythrough my second bottle of whiskey, clutching the unopened letter with a white-knuckled grip, when the doorbell rang. At first, I thought I had to be imagining it. I wasn’t sure of the exact time, but it was pretty late, and nobody ever came to visit me. I had sent my housekeeper home hours ago, and she had a key if she did need to get back in, but after the fourth ring, I realized it wasn’t my imagination and fumbled my way to the door.
I stood in shock as I stared at Oldaric Inwood standing on my entranceway, arms crossed over his chest and looking none too pleased.
“Are you going to let me in? Or are we having this conversation out here?” I stumbled back and he stalked his way in.
I had no idea why he was here, but I would be surprised if his son and son-in-law weren’t involved.
Oldaric and I were friendly. He was one of the few tolerable alphas that ran in these circles, and we more or less grew up together, though he was a few years older than I. I wouldn’t have considered him a friend, more of a close acquaintance. He might have been the closest thing I had to a friend though. That seemed especially true as he dumped my half empty bottle and forced me into the shower to sober up.
Half an hour later, we were sitting in my informal parlor and drinking coffee. He was silent, waiting me out. I considered keeping my mouth shut, but my thoughts were so jumbled, I desperately needed to get them out and before I knew it, I was spilling my guts to Oldaric.
He didn’t know about Lennon. No one did until I told Orion the bare facts. For the second time in as many days, I found myself sharing my deepest and darkest secret, the thing that caused me shame my entire life. My biggest regret. Yet, I couldn’t stop myself from sharing every last detail with the man.
To Oldaric’s credit, he listened. He didn’t judge. He just let me talk and wallow and even cry without saying a word. When I finally got it all out, I felt better. Wrung out and exhausted but better. I didn’t realize how much it was hurting me to hold onto that all these years until I started to share it.
A few minutes after I finished, he jerked his chin in the direction of the letter I still held in my hand. I had been staring at it a lot lately, especially after my conversation with Orion. I still hadn’t opened it, but I might. If I was truly considering begging Jett for a second chance, it felt wrong to be holding onto this. No matter what he said, I needed to bite the bullet and read it. Lennon deserved that at least. And Jett deserved all of me, not to have part of me stuck in the past.
“Is that it? The letter he wrote for you?”
I dipped my chin in acknowledgement.
Oldaric sighed heavily. “Would you like me to read it for you? If I feel like it will do more damage, I’ll destroy it. If not, I’ll give it to you to read.”
I felt like a fucking coward, but I nearly cried in relief. I knew I deserved whatever harsh words that might be in there. I wasn’t even afraid of reading that. No, I was more afraid that the note would confirm exactly what Lennon’s father said all those years ago. That he blamed himself for not being able to satisfy me. Or at least blamed himself for not being enough for me. At the time, I thought it was bullshit, but the more I thought about it, the more plausible it seemed. He was conditioned to a certain kind of life, and the more logical side of my brain said it was unlikely that he even considered blaming me. At least not out loud. That made the contents of the note even more terrifying.
I quickly handed the envelope to my friend before I changed my mind. My heart was in my throat when he opened it. I jumped to my feet and began pacing, unable to watch him.
When Oldaric made a choking sound deep within his throat, I almost collapsed. What could be so bad in that letter, worse than everything I shared already, that caused that reaction?
Finally, when I could no longer take another second, he stood up and walked toward me. “I think you should read this.”
I stared into his eyes for a long time, waiting to see if this was some kind of cruel trick, but it didn’t seem so. I took the letter from him and did the thing I hadn’t managed to do in nearly 25 years. I read the contents.
