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Want to know a secret?
I was tempted to withhold it so he’d stay longer.
But I didn’t because he was only there to do his job and needed to go in order to continue doing so. I was merely a facet of it and had spent the rest of the night reminding myself of that.
By the time the sun had risen, I was no closer to accepting that depressing thought as I had been getting some much needed sleep.
Both factors that could be contributing to said meltdown.
“When is that?”
“Five-ish, more than likely,” he reluctantly answers. “Maybe later.” It hurt him to admit that part. I know it. “I’ve got some meetings planned.” I wait, already knowing what’ll come next. “I could reschedule a couple, though. Take you sooner.”
“It’s okay,” I tell him. “It’s nothing that can’t wait.” It’severything that can’t. Not that I’m sharing that with Finn. If I pretend it’s not a big deal, he’ll drop it and I can go on my own later.
“Rae,” he mutters, my name coming out as a warning. I swear, he sounds more and more like dad every year.
He’s lucky I love them both. “I’ll behave,” I reassure him.
“Why do I doubt that?”
“Because you know me,” I remind him. “Later.” I’m smart enough to hang up immediately and ignore my cell when he calls right back. Grabbing my purse, stuffing my still ringing phone inside it’s designated front pocket, and snagging my keys from the hook, I head to my garage.
Opening the door, I start the car and let it warm up. There’s a slight chill in the air today, winter is coming after all, then reverse out and hit the button to close it. As I drive toward the grocery store, I’m nervous but excited.
There’s no guarantee the murderer will come after me. I cannot believe I just had that thought. I also can’t continue to live as if it’s an inevitability.
I know the odds are stacked against me, and am surprised I was even allowed to remain in my home considering…
I’m so stupid.
Stopping at the corner of my street, I peek in my rearview mirror. Sure enough, I see a car slowly coming up behind me. Through the windshield, I make out a man. Of course, I don’t recognize him.
How could I?
The vehicle isn’t familiar, unfortunately not matching the one Danny was in yesterday. While that’s not necessarily a cause for concern, I am suddenly hyper aware of it.
It continues to follow me, though I tell myself that could just be a coincidence. Testing that obvious lie, I run through the yellow light, after making sure it was safe for me to do so, a bit too happy when the car is unable to as well.
I mentally thank the driver of that vehicle for unintentionally helping me.
Watching closely to see if it catches up, I pull into the parking lot without a sighting, relieved when it still hasn’t appeared as I enter the building.
Removing a cart from the stand, I look around, realizing I’m officially an adult because I actually missed coming here and shopping.
Or maybe it’s just that I’m hungry and can only eat so much bread smothered in Nutella before going crazy.
I go up and down the aisles, retrieving items on my list, and some that aren’t, in my cart. Sure Finn will make an appearance soon, my hanging up on him pretty much guaranteeing that, I get the necessary stuff to butter him up. The ingredients for meatloaf, his favorite meal, and lemon drop cookies. The cookies are for both of us.
I’ll even be a good sister and save a few for him in case he doesn’t make it over tonight or tomorrow.
Anything past that, I can’t be responsible for eating them all.
Something he should know by this point in our lives, yet doesn’t always keep in mind.
Of course, I don’t always let him know when they’re available, so there’s that. But shouldn’t he justknowthey are? I mean, I do.
Halfway through my list, I feel off. Not sick, but still wrong. Like, I’m not alone.
