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She nodded, raising her eyebrows. “Me, too.” She closed her eyes in a long blink. “That’s the problem. I can’tstopthinking. It’s annoying as hell.”
“Talk to me,” he invited. He pointed to the bed, but was careful to point at the side nearest her. He sat down on the side closest to the window, relieved it was a broad, king-sized mattress. “What’s keeping you up? The search?”
“Among other things,” she admitted, dropping onto the bed and leaning on a hand.
“What things?”
“I’ve tried to play it off, like I have everything that’s happened so far…” He heard a shakiness in her voice. “But it’s really sinking in that we’re looking for a murderer. And… Christ, someone who might want to kill me.”
She seemed to choke on the wordkill. He wanted to say something, but she continued.
“I think I’ve been in denial since that pop star was pushed out the window. But Lawrence? And Lucas on the loose? I can’t exactly ignore a dead body and a maniac, can I?”
He shook his head, fighting the impulse to touch her hand. “Do you want to back out of searching tomorrow? There’s no shame in that. I’ve kicked a few asses in my time, but even I’ll admit I’m feeling the gravity of what we’re up against.”
“Will you back out?” she asked with a knowing look. “Ask Eli if his men can handle it? Or ask Spencer if he could round up some cop buddies to sort things out?”
That made him laugh. “No, probably not,” he admitted.
“Then I’m not backing down, either,” she said with a matching laugh. She dropped her gaze. “Thank you for letting me join the search. I know you probably didn’t want to.”
“Just don’t prove me wrong,” he said.
“I won’t. I’m on edge about this whole thing, but I’m not a complete idiot, in denial about what my capabilities are.” She shifted to put her bent knee on the bed and face him. She looked down at her hands as they laced and unlaced.
He waited for her to say more, but she just sat there, lost in her own thoughts. “Explain why you feel you need to be there,” he told her, shifting to the center of the bed. “It’s more than asserting your rights as an owner or wanting to face Lucas down, isn’t it?”
She grimaced. “I’ve been guilty of that in the past, haven’t I? Needing to insert myself to gain some advantage?”
He raised an eyebrow, but otherwise didn’t answer.
She sighed and looked at the wall behind him, her eyes scanning back and forth. “It’s like I said. I want to confront Lucas. But…fuck.” Her shoulders drooped. She pressed her hands flat against each other, then dropped them in her lap, looking at him with sad amusement. “I’m a failure, Monty. Sorry, Montgomery.”
“Monty’s fine between us.” He shifted closer but didn’t touch her. “And you’re not a failure.”
She shook her head, blinking rapidly. Her eyes shone in the warm light of the chandelier above them. “Do you know I lied to my parents about graduating cum laude? I tested lower than two of the worst students in my class.” She shook her head. “And my sorority sisters think I had a date every day of the week, but most times I just went to the library. I thought I’d snap my fingers and, like that, get my law degree. But no matter how hard I studied, I didn’t get any better. My Sigma sisters all got better grades than me, so I lied to keep up.”
“It’s not unusual for people to lie about their grades,” he said.
“No. I lied about my life. The dating, the grades, the over-the-top controlling bitch personality—”
“Uh, I have a hard time believing that last one was a lie.”
She laughed. “If you lie often enough, and with enough enthusiasm, you become the lie. By the time I met you, it was solidified.”
He thought back to the confident woman, flying by the seat of her pants, who’d dragged him into the coatroom of the Vienna Symphony. He didn’t for a second believe that wasn’t Hartley’s true personality.
“So what?” he said. “People lie about things all the time.”
“Like what?” she asked, the words thick with doubt.
He thought of the lies he’d told in his past, including his recent past with her.
“I lied when I told you I didn’t have any siblings,” he said.
She chuckled. “Eli’s a brother through marriage, so that isn’t exactly a lie.”
“I lied to you about my relationship with my father,” he continued.
