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“Struggling, Raven?” Figgins asks, walking among the group, and I nod. “You’re probably too worked up over your familiar. It has a way of getting under your skin like that. But I’m sure if you keep practicing through the week, you’ll get there.” I take a deep breath, nodding in understanding as she gives me a reprieve and a viable excuse.
I spend the remainder of the lesson slightly pissed that pretty much everyone I can see has the hang of it. It takes a lot longer than I assume she predicted because there’s no time to learn the basics, which means I’ve spent longer than I care to admit failing at connecting with my sword.
Let’s hope Ari isn’t as difficult later.
The usual slump to my shoulders is back as we make our way to the locker room. The Bishops stay close while still giving me the space I need to sulk for a minute, but the tightness of Brax’s jaw tells me I won’t get to carry on with this mood for much longer if he has a say in the matter.
The thought calms me a little and I appreciate how well they seem to be able to read me, knowing what I do and don’t need at any given time.
“Are you doing okay?” Leila asks as we get dressed.
“Yeah, I just get frustrated when I can’t connect with my magic so easily,” I admit, omitting the truth but not barefaced lying.
“I know what you mean. Honestly, before the Gauntlet, my father pulled me aside to train because I really do struggle sometimes. Besides, my father always says just because you’re struggling, it doesn’t mean you’re failing, and that always gives my heart the jolt it needs.”
Her words coil inside of me, making my shoulders fall back and my chest relax. She’s right, struggling isn’t failing, and I need to remember that. Taking another deep breath, I finish getting changed and head out.
The Bishops are waiting for me like usual but the look on Zane’s face has me a little concerned. “Is everything okay?”
“Did you guys hear the news?”
“What news? We were gone for like five minutes,” I grumble, glancing at Eldon, Brax, and Creed too.
“They’ve cleared a spot for another outpost visit.”
“Wait, so soon after we’ve had an attack?” I clarify and he nods. “At the same one?”
“No, we’re heading to Shadowmoor.”
My heart sinks. “I didn’t even know there was one.”
“It’s off the shore and nowhere near the actual place, really. Are you going to be okay?” Zane asks, reaching out for my arm. I nod, despite the worry gnawing at me. “Okay, well, Brax is going to drop our swords off at the house and we’ll meet him at the main entrance.”
Brax takes my sword from my hand and I try to force a smile to my lips, but I know it falls flat. I hate that I’m such a rollercoaster of emotions today. As soon as I think I’m over something, I have another obstacle to face. It’s exhausting.
Eldon slips his arm around my shoulders as Brax rushes off, likely sneaking away to create a portal, and we head through the corridors to the main entrance where Professor Fitch is waiting with a few other professors that I haven’t had lessons from yet.
His gaze settles on Leila’s for a moment but he doesn’t say anything of concern and that makes me feel better. If he’s happy for his daughter to be going then everything will be fine. Pleased to have pulled myself back off another ledge, I lean more into Eldon’s hold as we stand together, waiting for the next order.
Brax appears at my left, just in time for Fitch to address us all. “I’m sure you’re all familiar now with the gateways. If you can gather in the same groups you were in last time, we’ll get this trip underway.”
Fuck. I forgot about that part. Grimacing, I go to find the right group I assigned myself to, but before I can even take a full step, Eldon is claiming my mouth with his. He leaves me breathless and disoriented in the best way possible before nudging me forward.
“We’re not letting you out of our sight with these gateways around, even if Sebastian isn’t present,” he grumbles, and a fleeting flicker of panic washes over me. Even though he said Sebastian isn’t here, I still have to glance around to be sure.
I find the right line, and Finn is thankfully further in front this time. When I’m ready to go through, Eldon places his hand on my shoulder. “Let Zane go through first.” He points to the gateway to my left where Zane waits. He offers me a wink before disappearing. A few seconds pass, and Eldon kisses my temple. “Your turn, Little Bird. I’ll see you in a minute.”
Shaking the nervousness from my limbs, I step through the iridescent center of the gateway, my shoes hitting the ground instantly on the other side. Myriad memories flood my thoughts as the constant darkness that casts over the sky comes into view.
There are two towers, one to the far left, the other to the right, and a border that wraps around the exterior acting as an extra barrier from whatever lurks on the other side. There are no cute turrets and walkways like there was on the last outpost trip. There’s not even any grass beneath our feet. Just dried out soil.
We may not be in Shadowmoor, but we’re close enough. It’s like the sun’s been blocked out forever. I wrap my arms around myself, the chill in the air a bitter reminder of the contrast between here and Silvercrest.
“Are you okay?” Zane asks, and I nod, smiling at him as I join my group.
“Apparently, it’s always this dark,” a guy in front of me murmurs to his friend, and it hurts my chest knowing the people of Shadowmoor know no different. I hate that I feel guilty that I was offered a way out, an alternative life. Even the fools I hated there deserve more. They’re simply a product of their surroundings. Nothing more, nothing less.
“Students, gather round as quickly as possible and we can begin the tours,” Professor Meade states, wrapping her thick coat around her body.
