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“Yes. Sure, Justin. Anything. I’m so fucking sorry—”
Justin held up a hand. “No worries. I just need to talk with you.”
I nodded. I tossed on my boots, sweater, and scarf, and I was very glad for the opportunity to take a moment on the front deck alone.
Holy God.
The night air was a refreshing, bracing chill, and when I sat down on the short steps, I felt like I had just been electrocuted.
I breathed in. Breathed out. Watched the cloud of my breath in the night air. Watched the dance of lights on the house across the street.
What thefuckwas going on with my life, this Christmas?
And… had Justin said he “wanted us both to be happy?”
And was it possible, maybe justslightly, that Justin wasn’t going to stop speaking to me forever?
That everything wasn’t completely ruined?
* * *
It was another twenty minutes before I heard the sound of the door swinging open behind me on the front steps.
My heart rate ticked up again. Justin appeared a moment later, slowly sitting down next to me. We both looked out at the lights, not talking yet, even though there were about a billion things I needed to say.
“I just want to say it again, Case,” Justin finally murmured, looking over at me. “Weird. As. Fuck.”
“Justin, I am so fucking sorry,” I blurted out, like a dam inside me was breaking. “I never meant for this to happen, it just—”
He held up a hand, stopping me. “No need,” he said. “I’m not mad at you. I’m certainly not mad at him. You know what the worst part is, actually?”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “That I didn’t tell you?”
Justin gave me a nod. “Bingo.”
“I couldn’t have.”
“I know, I know,” he said. “I get why you didn’t. I mean, for God’s sake, he’s mydad.”
I winced. “I am a horrible person. But I already told you, and it’s true, I didn’t know he was your dad when I met him.”
“I know that too. But it just made me think about how much I’ve been gone. I haven’t been around as much, and I never want to lose our friendship. It would kill me. Losing you as a friend would be worse than… the apocalypse. Hell, it would be worse than you banging my dad.”
My cheeks heated up so rapidly that I felt like I had a sudden fever. “Jesus, Justin, you cannot joke about that. It’s too soon.”
He snorted. “Hey, I’m the one who gets to call the shots on if it’s too soon. And that joke was just too easy.”
“Goddamn,” I said, leaning back for a moment as I took a deep breath.
“Things will be fine,” he offered. “Just be honest with me from now on, okay? I’m a weird guy. I can handle alotof weird things. But I can’t handle losing what we have. Okay?”
“I feel the same way,” I said.
He stood up, his boots crunching on a little patch of leftover snow on the wooden steps. He held out a hand to me, helping me up.
“Now come inside. I have a secret I need to tellbothof you.”
“Oh, no,” I said. “Revenge, already?”
