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“Mommy, come look! We’re in the clouds!” Willow cried excitedly. She was in Hunter’s lap, having jumped up from the seat beside me to go to him, the second the stewardess had told us we could move around. She was staring out of the window, a look of pure fascination on her face.
It was the first time she had been on a plane and I had been worried she would freak out on me at takeoff, but she didn’t. I should have known better really. My daughter was somewhat of a daredevil and she loved doing anything that was new and exciting.
No, instead it was me who was freaking out, for several reasons. One was that I had realized, as Hunter pulled his rental car up in front of a company plane, at a private air strip, that morning, just how stinking rich he and the others were. The plane belonged to the company the three of them now ran –Servo. It was a manufacturer and distributor of body armor and they supplied not only the military, but also several huge police departments. It was a company founded by Ev and Cam’s grandfather and he had left it to them, as his only living descendants, when he passed, despite the fact he had refused to take them in when they had been orphaned at five years old.
I had never been on a private plane before. In fact I had only flown twice in my entire life – to Hawaii and back for my honeymoon with Edward, and that had been commercial, the both of us packed into tiny seats on a crowded plane. This was very different and the sheer level of luxury surrounding me as I sat in the butter soft, cream, leather seat, the plane interior around me spacious and covered in fancy polished wood paneling, was making me feel very out of place. The stewardess who was poured perfectly into her tight fitting uniform and made up with immaculate hair and makeup, wasn’t helping either, especially when she continuously flirted with Hunter every time she spoke to him.
Beside her I looked like a troll that Hunter had dragged out from under a bridge. My hair was in need of washing, greasy and wild, scraped into a hap hazard ponytail which had been a struggle with one hand out of action. I hadn’t had any makeup so obviously wasn’t wearing any, and I just pulled on a pair of yoga pants and hooded sweater Nico had picked up for me, when I dressed that morning, wanting to be comfortable for the journey. I knew Edward would be turning colors, steam coming from his ears with rage if he saw me out in public looking like that, and that knowledge provided me with a little comfort as I fought not to compare myself with the stewardess.
I was also freaking out because it had hit me as we took off, that I was leaving behind everything I had, which, granted wasn’t much.
Nico had been with us until we stepped onto the plane, and my goodbye with him had been tearful, despite his promises that he would come to visit us as soon as Emilia and the guys were back to take care of Milite. I just hated leaving the comfort and security he had provided since the moment he picked us up in the park, or if I were more honest with myself, since the first week that I started working for him. He had always been there for me - a small light in a dark life I was surviving through, and it terrified me that he wouldn’t be close by if everything went wrong.
And that was the other reason I was freaking out. I had no idea what I was walking into. I didn’t know Hunter, Kai, and Cameron anymore. I hadn’t known them for a very long time, and here I was dragging my daughter across the country to live with them. I felt like an idiot for doing it. I could see my next huge mistake just unfolding before my eyes and I was terrified of fucking things up for Willow and my unborn child all over again. The worry that I was a complete idiot was causing my stomach to turn violently. The knowledge that we had nothing if this was all a huge mistake, torturing and taunting me. I didn’t even have money to get us away from there if I had to. I was such an idiot!
“Mommy?” I looked over to Willow again when I heard the worry in her tone. She and Hunter were both watching me and I realized I had zoned out completely.
“Sorry peanut,” I sighed.
“Look,” she pointed to the window again. “We’re really up in the clouds. They’re really fluffy. I wants to touch them.”
“That’s awesome, honey. Maybe you could draw a picture of them so you can remember what they look like,” I suggested as I nodded to the pad of paper and crayons Nico had given to her for the journey when we left him. They were laid out on the table between Hunter and me.
“Good Idea, mommy!” she told me as she leaned over to get to work while staying in Hunter’s lap. She had taken to him instantly and they were getting along like old friends. I was just relieved she didn’t seem to be picking up on the frostiness between Hunter and me. For her sake, I had been civil with him, but I couldn’t find it in myself to do more than that. Even after thirteen years I was still so angry and bitter with him for the decisions he and the others had made. Decisions that had taken everything from me that day.
“Can you watch her while I use the restroom?” I asked Hunter as I met his dark eyes.
“Of course. You don’t need to ask,” he assured me. “You feeling okay?”
“Fine. Won’t be long,” I told him as I got up and hurried towards the back of the plane. Hunter had showed us around when we stepped on board so I knew there was a full bathroom and bedroom back there.
I barely got the door locked before my stomach was churning and moisture filled my mouth. I dropped to the floor before the toilet just in time to lose the tiny amount of breakfast I had forced down earlier in the morning.
By the time the heaving stopped, I was wrung out and exhausted. Tears filled my eyes as I flushed the toilet and moved to the sink to wash my face. I was just so tired and confused. I wasn’t convinced going to stay with three guys who I hadn’t known in over thirteen years was a great plan to be going with, and that terrified me. I just wanted to get things right for my kids, but I didn’t trust myself to do that. I was a fuck up. Always had been. Always would be.
What if Kai and Cameron didn’t even want us there? They were young, single guys who had lived alone for a very long time, or at least I assumed so. Why would they want a pregnant woman and a very demanding three year old invading their space and taking over their lives? Why was I even going to stay with them when I was so damned angry with them? It made no sense!
And then there was Everett. My throat tightened and my tears poured faster at just the thought that he was gone. I would never see him again and that realization was devastating. I was worried about the state I would find Cameron in without his twin at his side. They had been closer than any two people I had ever known and I feared who Cameron would be without his brother. What if I just made things worse for him? Going there with so much bitterness in my heart?
I glanced up at myself in the mirror and cringed at my own reflection looking back. I was looking a little gray in pallor and my eyes were almost sunken looking with dark smudges beneath. I looked as tired and wrung out as I felt.
Fear that Frank would force Edward to come after us, or worse – try to take my daughter from me – had plagued me all night and I had barely slept. I was clinging to hope that Nico was right – that Frank’s desire to keep all of this from the local news would force him to leave me alone, but I had my doubts.
Nico’s attorney had secured the restraining order against Edward for us, which prevented him from coming within a certain distance of Willow and I, and allowed me to take her out of state without facing any charges, but I knew that would only hold as long as Frank allowed it to. He had power and connections that meant he often got exactly what he wanted.
“Stop it,” I whispered as I looked up to my reflection once more. I had to stop running these thoughts through my mind. I was freaking myself out and it really wasn’t helping matters. I just needed to quieten it all down in my head, but that was easier said than done.
I washed my face with cold water to try and calm myself down, hoping it would soothe the redness of my eyes too. The last thing I wanted was to turn up to meet Kai and Cameron looking like the wreck I actually was inside. I found a brand new toothbrush and tiny tube of toothpaste in a clear packet on the counter, so was able to brush my teeth, which helped me to feel a little more human, but that was about all I could manage with what I had. I still looked like the troll from under the bridge, but at least I wasn’t mid melt down.
Willow was animatedly describing her picture as she colored when I stepped back out into the main section of the plane. Hunter was listening as he watched over her, a small smile on his face as he agreed with everything she said. He must have heard me approach because he looked up and the smile dropped from his face as he took me in. He raised an eyebrow in question and I smiled in an attempt to reassure him I was fine, even though I felt far from it.
As soon as I had left the bathroom a tremble had worked its way through my body and it wasn’t stopping now. I was light headed too, the floor beneath me feeling like it was swaying violently from side to side as I fought to stay steady and upright. I was grateful when I reached the seat and could sink down into it.
“Mommy! There you are. Do you like it?” Willow asked as she held up her picture of the clouds and what I guessed was supposed to be our plane flying between them.
“That’s beautiful, honey. Great job.” I smiled at her and she beamed with pride at the compliment.
“I gots to add some birds now,” she told me, then she was back to work, leaning down over her picture, her tongue sticking out in concentration.
