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“Because I didn’t want to be moved!” I cried. “You guys, you were all I had. I’d have gone through anything if it meant I got to see you every day. I spent my whole life alone and so damned lost. You four were the only people who ever saw me, who cared about me. I couldn’t lose that! But I did anyway, and it broke me! Do you understand? You guys destroyed me the day you left me!”
“Fuck!” Hunter roared. I looked up, startled by his outburst, and found him now stood, pacing back and forth, his hand ripping at his hair in frustration.
“Tell us, Maddie. Tell us all of it. We need to know. You need to get it out,” Kai told me.
“What’s the point now?” I asked flatly.
“Because we should know!” Kai snapped. “We fucking abandoned you and we should know what we left you to suffer.”
“He’s right,” Hunt agreed as he met my eyes, his own still glassy. “Tell us. Clive. He beat you, right?”
“Yes,” I admitted with a nod.
“Did he touch you? Rape you? Was he abusing you, Maddie?” Hunter went on. Sobs bubbled up inside of me and I was shaking as memories of that monster and the things he put me through flashed through my mind. I couldn’t speak, but I nodded as I closed my eyes in an attempt to stem the tears.
“Please tell me you at least got away from him when we left,” Kai begged. I took in a shaky breath as I opened my eyes and looked up at him. His fists were clenched now too, and there were tears on his cheeks. Hunter was in front of me, his fists balled at his sides, his face set in a tense glare as he awaited my answer.
“No,” I answered with a tearful shake of my head. “I couldn’t. I…I wanted to be there…be waiting in case you ev-ever came back.”
“Fuck! Maddie,” Hunter gasped as Kai buried his face in his hands.
“I missed you so much. I just w-wanted you to come back,” I whimpered. “I th-thought you’d come back for me.”
By the time I cleared my tears enough to see anything, Hunter was right before me, looking down with an expression I couldn’t decipher.
“I’m going to hold you now, okay? I have to. Please…just let me hold you,” he pleaded, and I saw the desperation on his face. It was enough to make me give in and nod slightly.
In a second he had me swept up into his arms and cradled tightly against his chest. I lay my head on his shoulder, unable to hold back, desperate to be held after hearing it all. We had all been through a nightmare of a childhood and it had torn us from each other in a brutal and painful way.
“We never should have left you. I’m so fucking sorry, baby. So sorry. We fucked up so bad,” he told me over and over again as he held me close. I could feel his tears running down his face, dripping off of his chin and onto me.
Kai appeared behind me, wrapping his arms around me and Hunter and holding the three of us close together. I could feel the slight tremble of his body at my back and realized the revelations had broken all of us that night. Our lives may have gone in different directions, but they had all been equally as fucked up.
“Can you ever forgive us, sunshine? Can we fix this?” Kai asked me after a while. That was the question running through my mind. I had hated and resented them, just as much as I loved them for the years we had been apart and that wasn’t an easy thing to overcome.
But now I had the truth I understood why they left like they did. Cam and Everett had to get away from that monster, and Kai and Hunter had been so scared they would lose them and each other. It was partly on me for lying to them and convincing them I had a stable home life in that crappy foster home. If I had been honest with them they never would have left me behind at the hands of that pervert.
“We all made mistakes,” I admitted shakily. “It’s too late to change any of them now.”
“If we could…” Hunter began, but I cut him off as I nestled a little closer against him. It felt so good to be held in his arms. I wasn’t exactly small at five feet nine tall, but he had this way of making me feel like I was. I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt as protected as I did in that moment.
“I know,” I said, halting what he was about to say. “But we can’t. All we can do is move forwards from here and learn from this fucked up mess.”
“What does that mean?” Kai asked.
“It means,” I sighed deeply. “It means I’m so sick of being mad with you guys. I’m not saying I can trust you the way I used to. That will take time, but I’d like it if we can start over. I missed you all so damned much,” I admitted.
“We missed you too, Maddie. We’ll win your trust back,” Hunter promised.
“We’re never going to let you down like that ever again, sunshine. We fucked up badly, but we’ve learned our lesson,” Kai agreed.
“Just be my friend. That’s what I really need right now,” I told them. I glanced up and for the first time I realized Cam stood in the open doorway. As soon as my eyes met his, he turned and walked away, but I wondered how much he had heard. Had he been listening the whole time?
“We’re here for you, sunshine. We’re not going anywhere,” Kai returned, pulling my attention back to him.
I had to admit, a weight had eased from my mind to know everything. It was a relief to know, after all of these years, that the reason they left me was legitimate. That insecurity, which I had carried for a long time, that I just hadn’t been good enough for them, had gone. I understood why they left, and knowing them as I did, I got why they thought leaving me behind was the right thing. Maybe I could finally let go of the anger I had been holding onto for so very long. God knew I needed them in my corner at that point in my life.
CHAPTER 10
