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“Stay where you are, Maddie,” Kai told me with a smile. “I’ll take her up, but let’s just give her ten minutes and make sure she’s out.”
“I’m good. She doesn’t weigh anything,” Cam assured me.
“She should, the way she’s been devouring Sam’s cooking and baking,” I laughed as I smiled lovingly at the kind man who had been so caring and generous since we arrived there. He cooked every meal we ate and was constantly offering home baked snacks and drinks in between. He obviously shared his kindness through his cooking.
“The way her eyes light up when I put a plate in front of her makes my day, every damned time,” Sam chuckled.
“I can’t thank you all enough for making her so happy and comfortable here,” I told them all. “She feels safe to be herself with all of you and that means so much. You have no idea.”
“She is safe here, sunshine. You both are. We hope you know that,” Kai told me softly.
“We’d never let anything happen to either of you, Maddie. No matter what comes, we will always be here for the both of you, or the three of you when that little one comes along,” Hunter added.
“That means me too,” Cam said. I looked up at him and he smiled a little. “I’m not going anywhere. I booked an appointment with my therapist for next week. I decided, Mads.”
“Decided what?” Kai asked.
“To try,” Cam replied as he looked to Kai and Hunter. “Maddie gave me a kick up the ass, I guess.”
“We’ve been kicking you up the ass for months,” Hunter told him.
“She walked in on one of my nightmares last night, Hunt,” Cam said more seriously.
“What? Why didn’t you tell us? Are you okay?” Hunter asked as he looked to me with worry.
“I hurt her. I lost it,” Cam said before I could reply.
“Maddie?” Kai looked to me with alarm.
“I’m fine,” I said hurriedly. “He scared me a little, but he didn’t hurt me.” There had been some faint marks on my neck that morning, but Cam hadn’t done any real damage and I refused to let him think he had.
“I had my hand on her throat guys. I…I could have killed her,” Cam whispered. “I can’t let that happen again. What if Willow had heard me and come into my room? It’s made me realize I either have to get help or move out.”
“No way, Cam. I’m not going to be the reason you have to move out of your own damned home!” I cried angrily.
“It’s okay, babe. Take a breath. He’s not going anywhere,” Hunter assured me as he placed a calming hand on my thigh under the table we all sat around. I didn’t miss the little zings I felt where his skin touched mine.
“I’m going to see my therapist. Maybe try some medications. I want to try and get some help so I can move forward. I know I’ve been an asshole for a really long time, and I probably still will be at times, but I’m gonna start trying, guys. Maddie told me Ev would expect me to try and I know she’s right.”
“She’s right, Cam. Ev loved you. He’d want you to be happy,” Kai agreed as he patted Cam on the shoulder.
“We’ve missed you, brother,” Hunter added with a smile and a nod.
“You have no option now anyway,” I told him with a smile. “My daughter seems to have taken a liking to you. You’ll never be rid of her and her endless animal facts now.”
“Yeah. I already learned a ton about whales this afternoon,” Cam laughed. “I didn’t know what was coming next when she started talking about sperm whales.”
We were all laughing, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the sight of my tiny daughter in Cam’s huge arms. It was playing havoc with my already wild hormones, and those fantasies of a future, that could never be, were running wild in my head. In fact that had been the case all afternoon and evening as I watched the three of them spend time and give endless patience to my highly demanding daughter. It had been hard not to picture a future like that, with the three of them and Nico in our lives, loving me and my children and giving us a future filled with happiness and adoration for each other. But that’s all it could be – a fantasy. Even if by some miracle all four of the guys I was falling in love with were on board, how could I bring my children into such a complicated and controversial relationship? How could I tell my kids they had four new daddies? How would they be treated in school when other parents found out? How would that look on forms? One mommy and four daddies?
Of course I was being ridiculous. Why was I worrying about the specifics of a relationship I had zero chance of being a part of? Sure, maybe Nico had shown a little interest in me in the past, but he was way out of my league and I doubted he’d want to be saddled with two kids and a woman with more baggage than a damned airport carousel. Flirting at work was one thing. He was likely just having a little fun to make the day pass.
And the others? They had always seen me as the kid sister they needed to protect and I was sure that hadn’t changed over time. They had brought me there and helped me because they felt they owed me after abandoning me. Maybe they still felt some obligation towards me as a sister type figure, but I was pretty sure none of them saw me as more than that. I had to stop these thoughts and get my head screwed on straight. Living in these insane fantasies was not going to get my life back on track.
“What do you guys know about designing a website?” I asked all of a sudden, looking between them.
“A website? What for?” Kai asked.
“I have a few clients who I’ve done some graphic design work for over the last few years. I was thinking maybe I could expand that into a business. It would be a lot better with the kids if I could work for myself,” I explained.
