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“What does this mean?” I asked.
“That part’s up to you. You have full control here, Maddie. We get that it’s complicated with three of us, but we want this with you and we’re willing to do whatever it takes to make it work,” Kai assured me.
“I get it if you don’t want to be with me, Mads. You don’t have to feel bad about it. As long as I can be a part of your life, I’ll be okay,” Cam told me as his sad eyes met mine.
“What the fuck, Cam?” Kai demanded, clearly annoyed.
“I’m a mess. I hurt you last night. I understand if you don’t want to be with me.”
“Cam, we’re all a damned mess,” I sighed as I leaned forward and placed my hand on top of his where he was nervously tapping it against the edge of the table. “If I were going to do this, then it would be with all of you. I love you, Cam, and nothing you can do or say will change that,” I told him.
“If?” Hunter questioned.
“I love you guys and this…you telling me you feel the same way – it’s a dream come true. You have no idea how many times I’ve wished for this, but the reality is very different. I have to be realistic. I’m about to start what will probably be a very messy divorce. I have Willow and another on the way. Starting a new relationship on top of all of that would be hard enough, but a relationship with three of you? It’s just madness, guys.”
“You know we love Willow already, and we will love the baby just as much when he or she comes along,” Hunter told me.
“I do know that. You’re all so good with her and she loves being here. It’s not that. It’s what it would mean for her. A relationship like this…like we’d have, it’s not typical and we’ll be judged for it. It would confuse Willow. She’s already been through so much,” I explained, the whole time hating what I was saying. I was talking myself and them out of us getting everything I had always wanted.
“We understand what you’re saying. Yes, our relationship would definitely be unconventional, and yes, we may face some backlash occasionally. Willow might be a little confused at first, but think of all she would be gaining too. She would have the three of us in her life. We would love and protect her with everything we have. We would always be there for her as she’s growing up. Maybe she would have a strange family to outsiders, but who cares what everyone else thinks as long as Willow, and that little one…” Kai nodded to my bump, “…get to grow up feeling safe and loved, surrounded by happiness? Isn’t that what you want for her? Isn’t it what you want for yourself? We can give you that, Maddie.”
I bit my lip as my thoughts ran rapid fire through my mind. Yes I wanted that, for me and for Willow, and for the child to come, but was it all really as simple as Kai made it sound? I doubted it.
“We’re not asking you to agree to anything right now, baby. We just needed to let you know how we feel because we don’t want you to think about plans to leave. We want you here, with us,” Hunter reiterated. “Just think about what we’ve said, okay? Like Kai said, you have the controls. You let us know when you’re ready to talk about it all again.”
“Okay,” I agreed quietly. My brain was spinning fast as I tried to think straight about all they had said. I loved them and it seemed they loved me. They wanted us to be together and I wanted that too, but it wasn’t only about me. I had the future of my children to consider and I needed to do that very, very carefully.
“Why don’t you head up to bed? You look tired, and I know we’ve laid a lot on you there?” Kai suggested.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “I am tired.” I got to my feet and straightened my dress nervously. I suddenly felt uneasy making eye contact with any of them.
“Maddie?” Hunter caught my hand in his and when I glanced up he had stood too and was right beside me. He smiled and wrapped an arm across my shoulders, pulling my into his warm side. “Stop worrying, baby. Everything will be okay. We won’t let it be any other way.”
“I’m okay,” I promised as I looked between them. “It’s just a lot.”
“Get some rest. We’ll talk again when you’re ready,” he told me. He gently kissed the top of my head as Kai took Willow from Cam carefully.
“Good night,” I told him as I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a quick squeeze.
Cam didn’t say a word as he moved over to me and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. We shared a brief smile, then I followed Kai inside and up the stairs.
As he lay my daughter in her bed with so much care and delicacy I flicked on the nightlight. My heart skipped a beat as I watched Kai tuck Willow in, then gently kiss her cheeks and whisper a quiet ‘goodnight’ to her.
It didn’t escape me that she could have that type of love and care for all her life if I gave in and accepted the life these guys were offering me. I knew they would love and protect Willow and the baby. It was who they were. It was who they had always been. They were good men and we could have the most amazing future with the three of them. I knew that, but my fears of messing up again were holding me back.
“I’ll turn the monitor camera on,” Kai told me as he crossed the room to where the camera sat on the top of the bookshelves.
“Thanks.” I walked over and kissed my daughter goodnight, just as Kai had, then followed him out of the room and into the hall, closing the door behind us.
“You doing okay?” Kai asked as we both stopped outside my bedroom door.
“I think so. I guess I have a lot of thinking to do,” I shrugged.
“Just try not to over think it, sunshine. We love you. We love your daughter. We want a future with both of you and with this baby,” Kai lay a hand gently on my swollen stomach. “You love us too, Maddie. As long as we have that, we can deal with whatever comes along.”
“You make it all sound so simple,” I sighed.
“It can be, if you let it,” he replied. “Get some sleep. Love you,” he added as he leaned in and kissed me chastely on the lips, taking me completely by surprise. Before I could gather myself enough to say anything in return, he was walking away down the hall.
