Page 27 of What We Had

Instead, he took me around his house for a tour. No, he did not have fine finishes on every surface or luxury brands for each appliance and piece of furniture. Carpet lined the flooring instead of marble and wide-plank mahogany. Untouched boxes and at-home workout equipment filled his spare room. His bedroom, a spot at the end of the hall with corner windows, contained a queen-sized bed without a headboard, a bureau nearly my height, and a closet with a sliding door.

And I loved it. Everything seemed so quintessentiallyBennett. Over a decade had passed since we knew each other this intimately. Walking through his sacred spaces seeded how I came to know the new Bennett. He didn’t need high-end devices. He took joy in an old iPod that was still hooked up to a boombox. A stuffed animal from childhood (Ralphie the Racoon, if I recall) slumped over atop the bureau. Pictures of his father were everywhere. Old stills from the height of his tumbling days dotted each room. A had spied a box of trophies in his guest room.

I could already picture half a dozen candles illuminating his darkened bedroom. Sliding under the comforter in nothing but skin, pulling Bennett atop me as our hands explored. Going blind while my body gave me all the sensory input I needed. That bedroom could be an escape for me, not the stuffy austerity of my room back at the house. There was comfort here in Bennett’s home. I didn’t want to leave.

We had lingered in each room of the tour. By the time we finished, I refreshed our glasses and we meandered back into the living room. Bennett killed all the lights except for a corner lamp that he dimmed to the lowest setting. He put an album on the turntable,Kind of Blueby Miles Davis, then lowered the volume of the two tall speakers beside the cabinet. After closing the windows, I sat on one end of the corner couch first so that Bennett could be the one to decide how close he sat.

Give him the lead. Just follow what he does.

He sat in the corner. Only a single cushion separated us. I counted that as a win.

Bennett tucked his feet up to sit cross-legged as he cradled the wineglass in his lap. I leaned back, crossed one ankle over my knee, threw up an arm along the back of the couch.

Let him talk first.

“Okay. Well. About last night,” Bennett said. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I retreated a little too quickly. I see that now.”

Shut up, Con. You want to talk but you can’t. Let him speak. My hand tightened around my glass and I forced myself to put it on an end table next to me.

“You had mentioned the other day, in your kitchen, about us coming across each other when we did. I thought the same, that night when I pulled you over. ‘Of all the gin joints,’ kind of thing. And then with the issue with your mother the next day.” He looked down at his wineglass, swirled the liquid. “I knew it was your address as soon as dispatch told me. I knew it was you. Knew it was about your mom. I rushed over there as fast as I could.” He rolled his eyes and scoffed. “And of course you’re at the door half naked.”

I had my lips sealed, but I still smiled. His eyes shot to me, he blushed, looked away. He took a long swig of his wine.

“I thought for a few days all you wanted was something quick and physical while you were home. I realize now, looking back, the way you were acting. You just… wanted to reconnect. You were genuinely happy every time we talked.” He smiled as if remembering something. “But when you kissed me last night, it felt great—reallygreat—and it was suddenly too much. For whatever stupid reason, I thought, yeah he just wants to mess around before he leaves.”

My teeth clamped down on my tongue. My foot gyrated over my knee. I remembered the way he had tugged at my sweater, pulling me closer to him. Yet he had thoughtIjust wanted to be physical? I was getting mixed signals here.

“I missed you too much, Connor. I didn’t want to get hurt again.”

Again? AGAIN!?You hurt me! You stopped talking tome!

I chugged my wine. Were we really going to hash this out here and now? Quiet fury warred with confusion and desire. A kaleidoscope of human emotion that I would have killed to demonstrate on set.

Easy, Con. Let him talk.

He looked up from his lap. His brow curling sheepishly, innocently. I realized he was just as confused as I was, working through whatever BS had gone unsaid twelve years ago. We came at this now with adult maturity, but those teenagers in us still hadn’t gotten their justice. I could see him now, working through that mental maze as much as me.

I melted back into the couch. “The big talk” be damned. I didn’t care. I just wanted to hold him.

“I don’t want to be selfish,” he said with glistening, puppy eyes, “and keep you from something. If there’s someone back in LA for you, or you think you’ll leave in a few weeks, don’t let me act like some hopeless romantic and hold you to the—”

“There is no one else,” I interrupted. If I bit my tongue any harder, it’d chop off, and I needed it for what I wanted to do later. “For a year, actually. It’s lonely out there, Bennett. I don’t think you really understand how lonely it is. You can’t trust anyone. Especially your friends.” I turned on the couch, staying in the same spot but fully facing him. “And I don’t want to leave. If my mother passed away tomorrow…” I shook my head, looked up at the ceiling. A well within me bubbled to life. I clamped it down. Sealed it. Until something would come along and crowbar it open. “I still wouldn’t leave.” I blinked once, twice. Looked back down.

Was I here to stay? Did I mean that, truly?

Bennett nodded. Slow at first, then more confidently. “Okay. Okay. Then this… it’s worth pursuing.”

I grabbed my wine, downed a gulp, sucked on my teeth. I dropped my voice low to the guttural tone I used on set. Looked Bennett right in the eyes and demanded, “Come here.”

No hesitation. He put his wine on the windowsill behind him and crawled on the couch toward me. Another snapshot. The way he moved on all fours in the dim light. I was hard before he reached me.

I was hoping he would crawl into my lap, but no such luck. He sat directly beside me, notching perfectly into the crook of my arm that lay over the top of the couch.

“You smell really good, by the way,” Bennett said as he laid his head against the meat of my shoulder.

I shifted, grabbed his leg to prop up on mine as I squeezed my other leg beneath his. Wrapped my hand around his shoulder, used the other one to direct his face toward mine. Drew him close, but stayed an inch away. I could feel the heat from his lips, his partially open mouth as deep and red as black cherries and smoke, the taste of the wine.

“Is this okay?” I asked.

Source: www.allfreenovel.com