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“No, no, not on Ryan. I saw it on the internet. In a photo Tessa showed me. Hang on.” There’s a famous rockstar who split his pants onstage several years ago, at which time the entire world found out he’s got the exact same kind of piercing as Ryan “Captain” Morgan. Tessa showed me the photo of therockstar when she told me about her then-fiancé’s sexy secret over a bottle of wine during her bachelorette weekend.
I quickly find the photo and hand it to Auggie. “See? Now, that doesn’t look nearly as scary as you were imagining, does it?”
Auggie doesn’t reply; he stares at the photo silently. Apparently, even that kind of piercing looks scary as shit to him.
“You could take it out, immediately,” I say quickly. “That’s certainly what I’m planning to do with whatever piercings I wind up with.”
Auggie hands me the phone back. But still, he doesn’t say anything.
“If piercings are a non-starter for you,” I say, “then I guess we could finally have intercourse on-camera for the first time. I bet if we—”
“Absolutely not.” He shakes his head defiantly. “That’s the one thing we’ve got left that’s only for us. I’m not going to share that with anyone. I’d rather take a year off from school than fuck you, on-camera.”
My heart flutters. I don’t actuallywantto have intercourse on-camera. I totally agree, it’s our one private thing, along with kissing. We haven’t done either on camera, and I’ve been gladabout that. But I would have done both, gladly, if it meant Auggie wouldn’t lose his hard-earned spot in the vet program.
“Okay, I’ll pierce my dick,” Auggie says on an exhale. “Man, that’s a sentence I never thought I’d say in my lifetime.” When I laugh, he shrugs. “If this doesn’t work, then at least we’ll know we tried everything possible.”
“Agreed.” I take his hand. “Are you sure about the piercing? If not, I’ll—”
“Yeah, I’m sure. Let’s do it. I’m in.”
Oh, my heart. It’s fluttering again. He’s so fucking hot and adorable. “Okay, here’s the plan. We’ll head back to Tessa’s now and feed the dogs. While we’re there, we’ll send private messages to the high rollers and also do a video announcing the ‘old-school telethon’ and set a countdown clock with a finish line of 11:55 tonight. We need to give you time to actually make the transfer, right? And after that, we’ll put up a long list of zany, silly things we’re willing to do, for various threshold amounts, including the piercings—which we’ll make our grand finale, the last adventure of the telethon—with a minimum threshold of a thousand bucks a piercing. While we’re waiting for the pledges to roll in, I’ll call a piercing place and rent it out for an hour at, say, ten. Just to be on the safe side. To kick things off, we should squeeze in a few quick shenanigans ‘for free’—for tips only—to get the algorithm working in our favor.” I take a deep breath and exhale. “Does all that sound good?”
Auggie’s eyes are wide with astonishment. “Holy fuck, Charlotte. You’re incredible at this. You’re a porn-queen genius-phenom.”
I laugh. “I’m feeling motivated to help you, that’s all. I’m not gonna let your dreams crash and burn, Auggie Vaughn. Not on my watch. Not after everything you’ve done for me and the mess I’ve made of your life.” I take his hand and kiss the top of it, feeling physically electrified by excitement. “In the immortalwords of a band that probably wasn’t a boy band, but could have been, I really don’t know for sure, since they only had one hit, thanks to a TV show: “I’ll be there for you.” As Auggie cracks up, I turn and secure my seatbelt with gusto, and then point forward enthusiastically through his front windshield. “Onward to Tessa’s house, baby! We’ve got tuition to pay by midnight and a whole lot to accomplish before then.”
26
AUGGIE
10:14 pm
“Titty-fucking motherfucker!”
That’s the string of syllables that involuntarily explodes out of my mouth when the needle punctures the base of my dick, and everyone watching my impalement guffaws in reaction. They cackled and hooted pretty raucously when I got both nipple piercings done a few minutes ago, too; but my reaction this time to the needle slicing my tender flesh is bigger, so, naturally, their reaction is bigger, too.
The tattoo/piercing place is devoid of patrons for this livestream, thankfully, due to Charlotte’s smart planning for our grand finale event. The only two people here, in person, other than Charlotte and me, are 1) The dude who’s piercing my sensitive flesh, and 2) a tattoo artist with some time to kill who kindly agreed, for a fat tip, to be our cameraman for these shenanigans. But of course, we’re also joined for this livestream by a surprisingly large online audience—our biggest one yet.
“All done, my friend,” the piercing dude declares, patting my bare shoulder. My shirt is off, thanks to the nipple piercings. My sweatpants are pulled down and my flaccid cock is out. “You can open your eyes now, Salami.”
I open one eye and squint down at my dong with trepidation to find it glaring back at me like, “What the fuck did you just do to me, motherfucker?” At the base of my cock, there it is: a shiny, metal hoop that’s every bit as shiny as the two metal rods newly rammed through each of my nipples.Who am I?How is this my life?
If someone had told me ten years ago that oneof the Vaughn brothers would get his nipples and dick pierced on this exact date in time, and if they then asked me to bet on which Vaughn brother it’d be in order to save my life and the life of every person I love in this world, I wouldn’t have hesitated to bet on Max to become the future pin cushion.Of course.
My big brother is the one who fucked his way through his twenties and partied like a rockstar after water polo games in both high school and college, whereas I was the shy, nerdy athlete who came home after swim meets to rest up and get all my schoolwork done, usually because I was excited to volunteer at the animal shelter early the next morning. Max is the one who swaggered his way through a bit of a bad-boy phase in his late teens, whileIwas the late blooming science nerd with a stutter to overcome—an embarrassment that kept me feeling shy and unsure around girls, long after the actual stammering had been dealt with and eradicated. And yet, here I am, the Vaughn brother who just gotthreepieces of hardware inserted into his intimate body parts for the entertainment of an online audience who paid to watch?What. The. Fuck.
As usual, I’m wearing a Lone-Ranger-style mask for this livestream. But for the first time ever, my mask is sparkling with purple sequins—a little flair Charlotte thought would emphasizethe specialness of today’s marathon of craziness. After sitting up from my final piercing, I turn my masked face to the camera and deadpan, “I hope you’re happy, you fucking sickos.”
All four of us in the room laugh, including me.
“I’m sure they’re very,veryhappy,” Charlotte says, still chuckling. Her mask is sparkling today, too. But no amount of sequins could ever sparkle as brightly as her sparkling personality. She kisses my cheek, “You didn’t disappoint, Salami. That was gold.” She looks at the camera. “Wasn’t thatamazing? Thank you all for your generosity. We can’t thank you enough. Special shout outs to our VIP sickos—Lucille1990, Catfish2000, YankeePants74, and DarlingPsycho123—for leading the charge today with major per-piercing contributions. We’re so grateful to you.”
Man, Charlotte nailed it today. Thanks to her brilliant strategy—asking for a certain amount to be raisedperpiercing today, andpershenanigan before this—we’re going to reach our goal by midnight, and then some. The only downside of our strategy? Poor Charlotte is now about to getsevenpiercings—one in each nipple andfivebetween her legs: two in each lip of her pussy and one in her clitoral hood.
When I pulled her aside earlier and told her, sincerely, that she could back out at any time, she smiled broadly and said, “Not on your life, Salami. I’d get a hundred piercings to pay your tuition, if only I had a hundred interesting places on my body people would pay to watch getting pierced.” Good lord. If I didn’t love this woman before that comment, I would have fallen in love with her, right then and there.
“Okay, next victim,” the piercing guy says, motioning to Charlotte. I’m up and standing now, and he’s already gotten his table covered with fresh wax paper for Charlotte.
