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I know that after I hang up with Etta, she’s going to call Simone, no matter that it’s nearly two a.m. on the East Coast. I know Simone won’t lie to any direct questions. She loves Etta as much as I do.
I know I have to give her the full truth. “Simone and I have been trying to get pregnant.”
“Oh,” Etta gasps, and I can even imagine her putting her hand over her mouth, expression brimming with hope. “A baby.”
“I can’t do it,” I say, the words tasting bitter on my tongue. “I can’t bring a kid into my world, Etta. This book changed it all. It says horrible things about me and it provides even worse details about the crimes Arco committed. It’s not fair to Simone and it would be bordering on abuse to make my kids suffer with that. You, out of anyone, know how bad it was for me. How cruel people can be when you have such a dark stigma attached to you. So I decided I didn’t want kids, came back into the league and asked Simone for a divorce.”
“No,” she says. “No way. It didn’t go down like that. You’re leaving something out.”
Jesus, I hate how perceptive she is. “Simone said she’d give up the idea of kids if it bothered me that much, but I can’t do that to her. She was born to be a mother, and you know that. I’m giving her a divorce so she can have a happy life.”
“Her happy life is with you,” Etta retorts. “You don’t have the right to tell her otherwise.”
None of this is a surprise. It’s why I’d been dreading talking to Etta about it. Like I said… one hundred percent Team Simone.
“I’m not going to argue with you about it,” I say, the exhaustion over the topic clear in my tone. “This is my life, too, and I have a right to do what I think is best.”
It kills me when I hear a tiny sob. Etta’s voice is watery. “How can you cut out someone you love? How can you cut out the best thing that ever happened to you?”
“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” I say, but that’s not exactly true. I’d say Etta and Simone are probably tied in that respect.
“Van… please don’t do this to her. She’s a beautiful soul and you’re going to crush her.”
My chest squeezes so painfully, it robs me of my breath. I can’t even respond because the pain I’m causing Simone comes back on me tenfold. But, I do as I always do when my heart screams at me.
I remind myself that my children would feel the same way when they’re being verbally tortured by other kids. Simone’s just going to have to bear it along with me so we don’t bring it down on precious souls too delicate to handle the cruelty.
“I’m sorry, Etta. But my mind is made up. I’m giving Simone the best chance at a strong marriage with children. I’m giving her the best chance at true happiness.”
“You’re an idiot,” she snaps, and it’s not lost on me that Simone has called me that once or twice in the last few weeks. “Where’s Simone?” she demands.
“She followed me to Pittsburgh. I’m sure she hasn’t called you back because she didn’t want to be the one to break this news to you.”
Another silence and I’m trying to think of something to say to make Etta feel better about this. But then she cuts my legs out from under me. “Twenty-three years, Van. That’s how long you’ve been under my wing and I’ve loved you like no other. You’ve been everything I could hope for in a child and my pride knows no bounds where you’re concerned. But tonight… you disappoint me. For the first time in twenty-three years, I’m ashamed of you.”
And then she hangs up on me.
I’m so stunned, I just stare at my phone, so many emotions barreling into me that it takes a while to process what just happened.
Etta removed herself from my corner, a place she’s lived for over two decades.
Now I’m truly alone.
CHAPTER 8
Simone
I’m laughing sohard my stomach hurts, and if I had a full bladder, I’d probably pee my pants. The other women around the table have heard this story before, but they’re laughing just as hard.
I gasp, wiping tears away as I shake my head at Tillie. “I can’t believe you did that to Coen’s yard.” She turned his deck and backyard into a veritable zoo by covering it with bird- and small rodent food, salt licks for deer and numerous gaudy birdhouses to attract feathered friends. It seems they were neighbors and there was a real enemies thing going on. “What did he do?”
Tillie snickers, running her finger over her wineglass. “Oh, he threatened me, bullied me and made me clean everything up. But… well, then…” She blushes, her smile turning soft and reminiscent. “Let’s just say provoking Coen not only angers him but turns him on.”
Pain lances through me at the potent reminder. That’s exactly how it is with Van. Or at least, that’s how it was when I first captured him.
Not so much these days.
“What about you and Van?” Harlow asks. “How long have you two been married?”
