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The man is stealthy, I’ll give him that. He catches up to me and takes me by the elbow, halting my progress. “Have you been drinking tonight? Because if you have, I’m taking your keys.”
Funny how simple words slice deep.No, I haven’t been drinking because I’m pregnant with your child.
“I haven’t been drinking,” I say calmly. “Now let go.”
“Where are you going?” he asks again, although he releases me.
“Malik’s.” I don’t offer more because I’m not sure that’s where I’m really going. I just know I want away from Van right now.
He studies me for a moment but then nods. “Just be careful, okay?”
I struggle not to scoff. Instead, I turn away from him and walk around the front of my car. Van doesn’t go back in the house but watches me with his hands tucked in his pockets. Normally, I’d give anything to know what’s going on in that beautiful head of his but right now, I don’t care.
When I pull away, I know immediately the thing that will make me feel better. It’s not going to Malik’s and it’s not calling any of my family members.
I dial Etta.
She called me first thing this morning and I didn’t answer because I had been avoiding her. I wasn’t sure what she knew and I figured it was up to Van to let her know what was going on. She left a voicemail, which included a few nasty but choice words about him and it became clear to me that she knew everything, so I called her right back.
We had a good talk. I had a good cry. She vowed to help me in any way she could. She was the first official member of my female tribe. Brienne and the others completed it tonight.
“Hi, honey,” she coos when the line connects.
“I hate him,” I snarl into the phone as I drive to God knows where. I don’t know my way around at all, but it doesn’t matter. I can use Google Maps to find my way back.
“You don’t,” she says softly. “You love him so much that you want to hate him.”
“I can’t reach him,” I lament. “It would be so much easier if he didn’t love me. If he didn’t care. Why can’t he be normal and just have an affair or something to break the marriage up? Why is he choosing the dumbest reason of all?”
“You know it’s not dumb to him,” she chastises. “As much as I disagree with what he’s doing, he’s in emotional overload. He’s making what he thinks is the best decision to protect you.”
He’s more chivalrous than that, I think to myself. He’s doing it to protect the kids we’d planned on having. I don’t tell Etta I’m pregnant. I can’t trust her to keep that secret from Van. Only Anna knows and that’s the way I’m keeping it.
“I’m out of ideas, Etta. I’ve tried to reason until I’m blue in the face. I’ve tried to seduce him. I’ve screamed at him. Cried. Nothing is getting through.”
“Time,” she says.
“What?”
“Time. It’s going to take time for this to settle. This is going to fade away. You and I both know that and he’ll see it won’t follow him.”
Bitterness weighs on me. “Until the next story comes out and he runs.”
Etta doesn’t deny that, but how can she? This is twice now Van’s flaked out on me because of his dad. If I did repair things, could I trust it to stick?
I have no clue.
“I love you, honey,” she says sweetly. “You know that, right?”
“Of course I do. I love you too.”
“It’s my deepest wish you two work this out. I believe you are soul mates. But you need to consider that Van might not have it in him. Because I love you, I want you to be happy and it might not be with him.”
I’d ordinarily rail against such a notion, but I don’t have the energy.
“However,” she continues, “it is far too early to be throwing in the towel. I need you to shore up your resolve and go back at him swinging. You stay in his face and you continue to harass him. You make him understand, okay?”
I smile at the vehemence in her tone. It gives me a little strength. “Okay. I will.”
