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“We just assumed he would know that,” Malik says in defense of their inaction. “The stuff in that book about Van was so ludicrous, I honestly didn’t think it even required me saying I didn’t believe it.”
I throw my hands in the air. “And here we are… I’m on the brink of divorce, you jerks are trying to beat Van up and telling me you hate him, and not one of you tried to support him.”
More silence. They all look regretful, I’ll give them that.
“I have a question for you,” Malik says. “Why is this upsetting Van so much? I mean, I get there are horrible innuendos made and it’s awful having a serial killer as a father, people wondering if you got anything from him and all… but it’s no different from what he went through three years ago when he was outed as Arco’s son. There was an article and the press went nuts. All of his teammates stood by his side and no one believed the negative shit. So why now is this upsetting him to the point he wants to cut you loose? It makes no sense.”
I hadn’t wanted this to come up, but it has, and I can’t lie to my brothers. I also want them to not be disappointed in Van. I want them to understand that his feelings and emotions are legitimate and must be given credence, even if none of us like the way he’s handling things. “Van and I had been trying to get pregnant when the book came out.”
“I didn’t know that,” Lucas exclaims and looks to Max and Malik. “Did y’all know that?”
I don’t give them a chance to respond. “We didn’t tell anyone we were trying. Didn’t want the pressure of all you busybodies checking in all the time, asking if I was knocked up.” None of them have a rejoinder to that, so I continue. “But to answer your question why Van was so upset, he couldn’t see past his children having to live with this stigma. He didn’t want them to suffer the same embarrassment or bullying he had to endure. The book was a lot different than just being outed as the son of a serial killer. That book told lies about Van that he’d have to defend and he doesn’t mind taking that on for himself. But he didn’t want our kids to have to suffer so he changed his mind, doesn’t want to have kids and asked for a divorce.”
“Okay,” Max says with a nod. “I can accept not wanting to have kids—which would be a huge point of contention in your marriage—but why a divorce? Y’all could have put the subject of kids on the back burner or—”
“I told him I would stay with him even if we didn’t have kids,” I pipe in.
Max points at me. “There… that’s how you handle things by compromising or waiting for things to clear, so why ask you for a divorce?”
“He’s got someone on the side,” Lucas snarls. “I bet—”
“No, he doesn’t,” I say with a glare that has him snapping his mouth shut. “Van loves me, but in his mind, I deserve to have children. He thinks by letting me go, he’s giving me my best shot at happiness. That I’ll have a more fulfilled life without him.”
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” Malik mutters.
“It’s not,” I say sadly. “He and I talked the other day and I really listened to him. He’s not taking this lightly. He’s thought this out and he feels this is for the best. While I disagree with him, I can’t diminish his feelings.”
“I still say it’s stupid,” Malik says.
Lucas nods. “So stupid.”
I glance at Max. “What’s your take?”
“Stupid,” he concurs. “But I honestly think things will work out. I think Van is jammed up with emotions and can’t reason through this. I think you should leave him alone and go home. Let him figure this out because if you goad him into anything, you’ll never know if he wants a life with you.”
That gives me pause. I had an ace in the hole. I’d been considering telling Van I’m pregnant and I know that would force him back into a marriage with me. He’d do the honorable thing ultimately. But Max is right… would that really be enough? If he was forced to do it?
I can’t do that to him. I can’t do that to myself. I’m going to keep the pregnancy a secret for a while and I’ll just have to see what Van decides to do.
I’m suddenly more than exhausted. I stretch my legs and scoot off the couch. “I’m really going to bed now.”
When I stand, I walk around the room and give each of my brother’s a hug, telling them I love them. They reciprocate, as they always do. We Fourniers love each other fiercely.
When I reach the staircase, I look back to find them all staring at me with tender expressions. My gaze stays on Max. “You think Van will come through on this?”
“I do,” he says.
For the first time since I arrived in Pittsburgh, a tiny flicker of hope burns in the center of my chest. I’m not going to fan it to flame just yet, but it’s enough to tide me over for a while.
CHAPTER 16
Van
I’m not sureif this is a good idea, but I’m committed now. I follow Boone and Drake into the UPMC Children’s Hospital, a photographer and two Titans’ staff members right behind us. We’re here to visit the inpatient kids to dole out jerseys and signed sticks in an effort to brighten their day.
Boone set this up and I was surprised to learn that he visits the hospital a lot in his free time. He approached Brienne about having the Titans sponsor visits and publicize it to help raise money to offset the cost of medical expenses some families can’t afford.
It’s a fucking brilliant idea but not something I would’ve necessarily done on my own had he not invited me. It’s better than sitting in my hotel room today, moping about my broken marriage and my serial killer father.
