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Thoughts of what Maddie will do this winter come to mind and I find myself curious.
My life hasn’t been empty. It’s been full of goals to meet and money to make and projects to close. Then Maddie came into it, and now I can’t see anythingbuthow empty all of it is. A great big penthouse. Me on my phone. Snow falling outside. Christmas, and no one to open presents in the light of the tree.
I glance back at my phone and think about texting her.
I could…offer to tend to her needs. Take care of her. If she wants.
I still don’t know how to say it though. How to present the offer in an acceptable manner. Especially given it will be in writing.
Half of what I want to say should never be written in black and white.
Even if I want her in my penthouse on Christmas. Fuck I could just imagine unwrapping her lingerie as if she’s my personal gift.
I glance down at the black text and my thumb taps aimlessly.
I don’t want to sound like I’m offering money for her company, or anything of that manner. Like I’m paying her for companionship.
Although if money is what she would want, I’d give it to her. APretty Woman-esque arrangement.
“What’s going on with you?” Brian asks, his tone careful. “You’re quiet.”
I watch the game on the TV, purposely not looking at my phone, and try to figure out what the hell to tell my oldest friend in the world. If I told him it was nothing and to drop it, Brian probably would. But then I’d be exactly where I was when I came into this bar.
“I’m thinking about asking a woman out.” I blurt it out without looking at him.
Brian lets out a low whistle. “Look at you. This girl must really be something for you to keep checking your phone like that and looking like a nervous school kid.”
Normally, I’d deny the hell out of it. Ialwayscheck my phone. That’s not new. And if I look nervous, that’s because I have other things to be nervous about.
But this is Brian and he’s asking, and for once it seems important to tell the truth. Because I am all too aware I need help. Afterall, he landed a wife. He has to know something about this arena that I don’t.
“It’s just…someone. I met under odd circumstances.”
“What kind of—”
“Don’t ask about the circumstances.” I cut him off, a little harsher than intended and hold his gaze a moment too long.
“Okay?” He raises his eyebrows. “And you want to ask her on a date?”
“I would like to, yes. And maybe more. I don’t know.”
“More?”
Frustration gets the best of me as I run my hand through my hair. “I’m telling you, it’s ridiculous. I can’t stop thinking about her.”
“I’m not asking about the circumstances,” Brian says after a minute. “But…is that what’s making it tough for you to ask her out?”
“Yeah. You could say that.”
“Maybe you just have to forget about the circumstances, then.”
I can’t. A huff of a sarcastic laugh leaves me. There’s no way in hell I could forget what happened…it’s burned into my memory.
“Things can always change.” Brian eats another chip with salsa. He pushes the basket toward me. “I think it’s best if you take matters into your own hands. Just let her know what you want. It’s like an offer,” he suggests and motions with his hand as if I should know how to make an offer.
It takes great effort to breathe evenly and consider a response other thanI’ve done that. I literally took Maddie into my own hands, and now there’s always going to be some kind of tension between us.
“And if I already have…made an offer, that is? If it’s too late to change the way she sees me?”
