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What the hell is she talking about? We have an arrangement. She could live here for the rest of her life and still be well within her rent budget.
“I can take on whatever bills you need,” I offer her. “Credit cards or whatever it may be. Simply give them to me.”
“No,” she says, and her chest rises with a stutter.
“Why?” I’m not proud of how I sound in the moment, and I can’t help stepping closer, my chest aching. “Should I have stayed last night?”
Maddie looks down and away, slowly dragging her eyes back to mine. “It’s not that.”
I can’t let her do this. I can’t let her disappear out of my life. I can’t spend from now until I die thinking about her.
“I should have stayed last night,” I tell her, taking charge of the conversation. At leastmypart of the conversation. “That was a bad move, to leave you alone like that. I could have stayed in the living room, given you space, but been there.” I think out loud, attempting to learn from my mistake. “I am not well versed in…” I swallow, not knowing what to call what we have given the circumstances. “Let me make it up to you.”
“Graham, I don’t—”
“Come to dinner. Have something to eat, and we can talk.” My voice is even, my suggestion strong yet gentle. So at odds with the chaos and loss that run like wildfire through my blood.
She presses her lips together, and I’d give just about anything to kiss her.
Red. The word hasn’t been said in this moment, but it was before and it lingers between us. “It’ll be all right,” I tell her. “Whatever it is, whatever you need,” I remind her, “I will take care of you.”
But she’s on edge, tensing up, and I don’t want to push her until we’ve had a chance to lay everything out on the table.
“Are you hungry?” I ask.
Maddie runs a hand through her hair, almost knocking her glasses off in the process. “I haven’t eaten much,” she admits. “Yes. I’m hungry.”
“Then come to dinner. Or just...come upstairs. I can have dinner brought to us.”
She hesitates one more time, and I offer her my arm.
“It’s not far,” I tell her, keeping my voice light. “Only an elevator ride away.” At this moment I remember the first time I laid eyes on her. I can’t lose her. I did once before, and I don’t know what will come of me now that I know every little bit about her that I do. “I don’t want to lose you,” I confess to her, and her eyes meet mine with surprise and maybe hope.
“Okay,” she says softly, and takes my arm.
Thank fuck. I at least have a chance.
Maddie
Ihave a slight headache from crying most of the night, and I don’t feel like I look my best, but Graham doesn’t say a word about it as he whisks me upstairs to the penthouse.
The first thing he does is put me on the couch in the living room and hand me a bottle of water. I take sips from it while he moves around the apartment.
He’s tense and I feel awful for all of this. I don’t know how it got to this point. I was living a fairy tale that wasn’t meant for me. I’m so sorry I dragged him into this.
“Are you drawing a bath?” That’s definitely the sound of running water.
Graham doesn’t answer. He returns a few minutes later with a stack of clothes in hand. A robe—new and silky—along with a comfortable outfit that could easily be pajamas or the classier version of loungewear.
“You had these laying around?” I ask as he hands me the folded bundle.
“Maybe,” he says. “Why don’t you get changed? If we’re not going out, then you’re allowed to be comfortable.”
“Get changed or have a bath?”
“Either. Both. Whatever will get you to talk to me.”
When we get to the main bathroom, the tub is filled, a candle flickers on the edge, and there’s a small glass of wine balanced on a tray that stretches over the water.
