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“I mean, I guess so if he wants to ride him for it, but that doesn’t make the fear go away.”
“No, it doesn’t, but maybe try having an open mind about it?” She chuckles at the look I give her and throws her hands up in the air. “Hey, I’m just here for a week and I’ve got no kids. My opinion doesn’t matter as much as others, but that’s the best advice I can give you.”
We come to a stop between the houses and she turns to me, her breath popping from her mouth in a cloud in front of her. “It might not mean much coming from me, but I think if you dig deep into your heart or mind that you’d find the answer you’re looking for. After all the conversations I’ve had with him, I wouldn’t worry too much, but that’s not my decision to make.”
“You’re right. I told him that I’d stand by his side with it, but that was before I knew which horse he wanted to use.”
She smiles and places her hand over mine, the touch igniting my skin even with the gloves we’ve got on. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Maybe try to think about what Renee would do in a situation like this. Would she keep him from doing what he wants out of fear? Everything in this world has a chance of hurting us. I wouldn’t let fear of this one thing keep him from a dream.”
When she puts it like that, how could I possibly keep Nathan from doing anything in this life? I’m trying to hold him back out of fear, but Sydney is right — this isn’t the only thing that could harm him in life. “Thanks, I really needed to hear something like that.”
She nudges my shoulder playfully and nods. “No problem, guess it doesn’t hurt to be nice to the new girl, huh?”
“Yeah, I’m still sorry about that,” I mutter, running a hand through my hair. I’m not sure if I’ve been imagining this connection we seem to have, but it’s about time I try to figure out if I am. “Uh, I actually wanted to ask you something.”
“I’m all ears.”
“Would you, uh, would you want to have dinner with me before you leave again?”
Her lips part in surprise, then she smiles. “I think that would be really nice, preferably somewhere warmer next time.” She wraps her arms around herself, trying to keep the warmth in, and I take a tentative step toward her. As soon as I circle my arms around her and close the distance between us, her body practically melts into mine in the most beautiful way.
I pull away from her slightly, grabbing the tip of her chin and lifting her face up to mine, then softly brush my lips against hers. There’s still a hint of chocolate coating her tongue and I groan as it floods my mouth. She tightens her arms around me, clinging to me as if I’m her lifeline at this moment, and it warms something deep inside of me.
Is this what I’ve been missing out on?
She deepens the kiss, but it doesn’t last long when we hear a branch crack in the distance. We step away from each other, our cheeks red either from the cold or the moment, and stare.
“I was starting to wonder if I should send a search party for you two,” Nathan says as he walks up to us, coming to a stop beside me. “Everything okay?”
I clear my throat and nod, not wanting to tell him anything right now. Not until I even know what this thing is. “Yeah, everything’s great.”
“I’m just heading inside,” Sydney says with a smile. There’s a light in her eyes when she speaks to Nathan that only makes the connection I feel with her grow that much stronger. “Maybe I’ll be able to see more another time, but this cold is not for me.” Her chuckle vibrates through my entire being and I’m left staring after her as she heads into the guest house.
“So, I’m guessing that walk was good?” he asks, cutting the silence.
I grunt in response and make my way to the house. The last thing I want is to talk to my son about the way I’m feeling towards this woman, especially when I’m not quite sure what I’m feeling myself.
“Okay, I take it we aren’t going to talk about what I saw then?”
“Nope,” I mumble, continuing my trek ahead of him and into the house. I’m not the least bit surprised when he follows me inside, shutting the door behind him. “Don’t have work to do around the ranch?”
He chuckles and shakes his head, taking residence on an empty chair in the living room. “It can wait a few more minutes. I’d like to talk about Sydney first though.”
“And I don’t.”
“She’s pretty, right?” God, does he ever let things go? Of course not, he’s exactly like his mother. I can’t even count the number of times she and I fought because she couldn’t stand not getting to the bottom of things. All I’d ask is for some alone time, but she’d follow me into another room more than ready to say her piece, and it always led to another fight.
“Nathan, I really don’t want to have this conversation.”
He sighs and stands from his seat, smirking at me. “Alright, can you at least tell me if there’s a chance or not?”
Is that what he wants to hear, or would he be upset about it? I shrug in response. “I don’t know, son, I really don’t know.”
“Mom would want us to be happy.” Those words surprise me and he smiles. “You’ve spent a lot of time alone, afraid of getting close to anyone else, but that’s not what she would want for you. If Sydney is the first one you’ve felt anything for, I say go for it. She’s cool.”
Hearing him say that has my eyes stinging with tears and I nod in response, not trusting myself to speak at the moment. He pats my back on his way out of the living room, then walks out the front door as if he didn’t say everything I needed to hear. Have I been too soft on him?
I forget that he’s not a scared little boy anymore sometimes. Maybe he wants to talk about Renee more but is worried how it will affect me just as I’m doing for him. Nathan isn’t aware, but I did go for it with Sydney and now I have a date to plan that will hopefully solidify whatever these feelings are.
