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“Then why haven’t you, huh? Why haven’t you?”
“It’s complicated.”
“It’s complicated, huh? It seems pretty simple to me. Either you want to be with an incredible, wonderful, caring guy like Quin, or you don’t.”
“I do!”
Lou looked at me as confused and frustrated as I felt. “5 days!”
“I know! Lou, can you give us a minute.”
“You think I’m gonna leave him here to let you hurt him again. No way! Anything you can say to him, you can say in front of me.”
Quin looked up. His eyes looked red like he had been crying. Had I been the cause? Of course, I had. My chest clenched thinking about it. What the hell was I doing? I had to figure it out.
Quin touched Lou’s shoulder lightly. “Lou, can you give us a minute?”
Lou looked at Quin and froze. “Are you sure? Because you’re gonna need someone to stand up for you if you’re not gonna stand up for yourself.”
“I’m sure, Lou,” Quin said with pain in his eyes.
Lou looked at me still boiling with anger. I couldn’t blame him for that. I probably wouldn’t have been so nice if the person hurting Quin was anyone other than me.
“I’m going to be right inside, okay? Just say my name and I’ll be here.”
“Thank you,” Quin said genuinely.
Once Lou had disappeared around the corner, Quin and I turned to look at each other. I desperately wanted to hold him.
“How have you been?” Quin asked his voice weak.
“Not good,” I told him honestly. “All of the walking I did last weekend caught up to me as soon as you left the truck. I’ve been popping these things just trying to stop myself from passing out,” I said holding up the bottle still in my hand.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I did think you were pushing yourself a little hard.”
“You tried to get me to stop. Multiple times. But, it’s like, when I’m with you, the pain goes away and I think I can do anything.”
“Why haven’t you texted me, Cage? Is it just something you don’t do? I remember your relationship with Tasha and how you two didn’t spend that much time together. Is this just how you do relationships? Because I don’t know if I can do this if this is what you’re expecting. I want you to be my boyfriend. And, I don’t know much about how things like this work, but I don’t think it can work like this.”
Wow! I had forgotten about Tasha. As I thought about it, this is what I did with her. The difference was that Tasha preferred having her space.
But, I hadn’t avoided texting Quin because I didn’t care whether or not I was with him. I hadn’t texted him because being with him came with a commitment that I was having a hard time making. Looking at him now made the decision a lot easier.
When I was with him, all of my pain was gone. I was sure that he was the one I was meant to be with. I just had to suck it up and do my part to make our relationship work.
“It’s not that. How I felt about Tasha doesn’t compare to how I feel about you.”
“Then what is it, Cage? Help me understand what’s going on,” he implored, his eyes filling with tears.
“I’ve had a lot on my mind. A lot is going on, ya know. I might have a brother I didn’t know existed. I might have a mother. How do I even wrap my mind around that? And, I’ve been thinking that…” I lowered my head to gather strength. “I’ve been thinking that I should go back to football.”
“You’re thinking about playing football again? I thought you said that you didn’t enjoy it.”
“I’ve been thinking that it might be what’s best… for us,” I said closely watching his reaction.
“For us?” He asked not giving away his feelings about it.
“Yeah. It would be hard, but I could still get to the NFL. This injury won’t last forever. And, I might not get drafted as high as I would have before all of this. But with time, I could get myself into a starting position. I’m sure I could.”
