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“Yeah. There was also a festival this weekend. I had helped his brother’s boyfriend build a costume for it so he was the one who actually invited me. I mean, they both did. But, I went because of Quin.”
“Quin?”
“His brother’s boyfriend. He has a house there. They moved into it this weekend.” I thought about it and laughed. “I guess there was a lot going on.”
Professor Nandan stared at me suspiciously.
“What?”
“It’s my mistake for not saying this before, but dating someone you’re trying to help is never a good idea.”
“Dating?” I said feeling my face flush. “No! Why would you suggest that?”
“It’s okay if you are dating him. I don’t want to make it seem like there would be anything wrong with it. But, if you are, I will have to assign someone else as his counselor.”
“Why?”
“Trust and consistency are the two bedrocks to counseling. It is often what allows people to open up and work through their feelings.”
“I’m both of those things.”
“And, that’s great. But, the complexity introduced by intimate relationships often interrupts that. Again, there’s nothing wrong if you two are dating. It would mean you’ve made progress with your bias against football players. But, as a person trusted with Nero’s mental health, I would be required to remove you from your role with him.”
I looked at my professor not knowing what to say but knowing I had to say something soon. Weren’t Nero and I dating? Hadn’t we had sex? Hadn’t he told me he loved me? Didn’t I love him?
At the same time, I didn’t want anyone else to be assigned to him. He was making tremendous progress with me as his counselor. He had opened up so much. And hadn’t I gotten the answer to a question he had wondered about his whole life?
Sure, we might have experienced a bump in the road as he’s processing it. But, I was the one who had done that for him. No one else could have. I’m the only one who could help him in the way he needs it. I’m positive about that.
“Don’t worry, Professor Nandan. The two of us are just counselor and counseled,” I said with a forced smile. “And, I think he’s making a lot of headway. He’s opened up a lot. I think I’m helping him.”
Professor Nandan looked at me skeptically but relented. “Well, I’m glad to hear that. His coach did mention that he’s been playing better than ever.”
“See. I’ve been helping him. You can trust me, Professor Nandan. I have his best interest at heart.”
“That’s good to hear,” he said finally relaxing. “But, keep in mind that your counseling doesn’t give you permission to be late for my class.”
“I’m sorry about that. It’ll never happen again. Or, at least, I’ll try,” I said with a smile.
“You do that,” he said smiling back.
As sure as I was that I was the one who could best help Nero, my professor’s words did linger as I walked back to my room. I knew the rule against dating someone you’re helping. Everyone does. I never thought I would have to worry about it because I never thought I would date anyone much less a client.
Yet, here I was sleeping with the first person whose mental health I had been entrusted with. What did that say about me?
I would like to think that this was a special circumstance. After all, I did kiss him before he had been assigned to me. We had established our attraction for each other before our work together began.
Besides, wasn’t it Nero’s attraction to me that got him to open up? Would he have come out to a complete stranger? He certainly wouldn’t have invited them to his place for the weekend. And, if they weren’t in his hometown, Nero couldn’t take them to the lake and share his painful story.
No, it was a good thing that the two of us had the relationship we did. It was helping him. But, as his counselor, maybe it was better if I slowed things down. I wanted to be his boyfriend. I wanted to rush to his side and wrap my arms around him until he felt better. However, a good counselor would give him the time and space he needed to process it all.
He said that he would text me. So, instead of pushing him, I would wait for his text. It would be what a typical therapist would have to do. And, it wasn’t like I needed to hear from him every day. It wasn’t like I needed him to breathe or anything… Evan Carter!
Prickles shot through my body like jagged rocks. I whipped around replaying the image in my mind. I saw Evan Carter. It took me a moment to realize it but I had. At least I thought I had. I thought I had seen him standing in the quad staring at me.
I didn’t see him now. Scanning everywhere, I didn’t even see someone trying to hide or get away. Had it just been in my head? Double-checking my surroundings, I considered that it could have been.
Thinking I had seen Evan when I hadn’t wasn’t a new thing. It used to happen a lot, especially my freshman year. I used to think I saw him everywhere. He was the boogeyman sitting in my periphery. Whenever I looked for him, though, he was never there.
