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“I… I didn’t know.”
“You haven’t spoken to him recently?”
“The last time was on Thursday.”
“Huh. Well, to do a little damage control on Nero’s career, the university’s public relations team has set up an interview with a news outlet. Considering you’re his student counselor, I thought it would be good if you were there.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. Would you be okay with that?”
I considered it. As I did, it became clear why separating emotions and therapy was so important. I hurt thinking about how big of a mistake I had made.
Now the question was, would I admit to my professor that Nero and I had had sex so he could replace me and I could fight for our relationship? Or, would I prove to myself that I could be a professional by pushing my feelings for Nero aside and being there for him like I was supposed to be?
Chapter 10
Nero
Everything was spinning. It was like life had become a merry-go-round. I wasn’t meant to have been born. My mother had drugged whoever the unlucky man was and had raped him. And she had done it because she had lost the son she really wanted. Where did that leave me?
I was a mistake. I should never have existed. How was I supposed to live knowing the world would be better off if I wasn’t here?
Ever since I had learned the truth from my mother, things around me became more and more hazy. It was like I was losing control of the steering wheel of my life. I hadn’t meant to let Kendall slip away, but I had. I hadn’t wanted to go to a New Orleans strip club, but I went. And I certainly didn’t want a lap dance, but my teammates pushed her on me so I acted like they expected me to.
Now everyone’s pissed. Cage is texting me about it. Coach is telling me that I might not get drafted because of it. And, I’m pretty sure I’ve lost my boyfriend.
I’m not 100% on that because I still hadn’t replied to him sending me the video. I couldn’t handle knowing that the only guy I’ve ever loved hated me. There was a limit to how much I could take.
“Are you ready to do this?” Coach asked when he joined me in his office.
“Yeah. Whatever.”
He paused and stared down at me on the couch.
“Do you not want to be here? Because, let me remind you that we’re only here to salvage your professional career. But if you don’t give a shit about it, then we could tell everyone to go home and be done with it right now.”
“No. I wanna do this. I just… It’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair? That everyone is bending over backward to save your reputation? Well, sometimes life isn’t fair.”
“But, I didn’t want the lap dance. I didn’t ask for it.”
“And if you acted like that in the video, then we wouldn’t be here. Look, what’s happened has happened. Do you wanna deal with it head-on, or let the millions of people who now only know you as the strip club guy on East Tennessee’s football team, define how the rest of your life goes? You wanna take charge of your future, or let your past dictate what happens next?”
I thought about that. Yeah, my life was spinning out of control and not for the first time. But, even when I was a kid, the one thing I knew I could count on was football. I was good at it. And it didn’t matter what my mother was doing or not doing. It didn’t matter how lonely I felt.
All that ever mattered was how well I could catch a pass and how fast I could get down the field. The rest of my life faded into the background when that was happening. Football was the only thing that had always been there for me. If I were going to fight for anything, it had to be that.
“I wanna take charge of my future.”
“Good. Because you could have a bright one. It was a tragedy what happened to your brother. I can’t help but think of his draft-ending injury as my fault somehow. I didn’t want to let you down too,” he said putting his hand on my shoulder.
“Thanks, Coach,” I said meaning it.
“Now. I’m gonna need to ask you a personal question. Are you dating anyone?”
“What does that matter?” I asked feeling my skin flush as I thought about Kendall.
